I’ve been using the popcorn button my whole life

RT @andielion.bsky.social I inexplicably thought Rickie Fowler won the Masters

They were the only team to blow home court and not think that shit was funny at all

happy birthday Scorpio king Russell Westbrook

Every day I wake up and think about quitting my job to franchise a Sweetgreen

Was this before the shirtless overall pic

Another day in the office. Another day of listening to Maneater by Nelly Furtado for 8 hours straight

I like when the Starbucks app gives me side quests

Is The Phillies' Good Luck Charm A Dedication To Himbo Culture And Showing Clavicle? Now, as a fan, you may be wondering why Major League Baseball would want to rob us of bare-chested boys of summer.

Please read my very important investigative blog. Go Phils. defector.com/is-the-phill...

@TedCruz weigh in

They put him on a cart, took him maybe 10 yards and then took him off the cart

A bunch of stick figures crying and committing acts of violence. In the middle, it says, “girls when Texas is back.”

I think I’d thrive in the Burning Man situation. By the time the roads reopened they’d be calling me Imperator of the Nevada Wastes. I’d never fully readjust to society

lotta people wondering why colorado is a popular pick to upset defending playoff runner-up tcu, well it’s because buffs coach deion sanders has embraced the underdog role ever since his days playing quarterback for chip kelly at oregon

It is so funny when people are like “all the girls who bullied me in school for liking Taylor Swift are flying across the country for the eras tour.” For liking TAYLOR SWIFT?

Haven’t refreshed my Twitter timeline all day. Gotta ration

What the hell is that.

Ok

Ok

You come into my house on the day I post my truth, and you rate limit me, for money.

I know Shams must be having a mental breakdown right now