Matt Twomey

The 5 humorous novelty books are real though, and ready for your holiday gift needs. Search "Artie Smarty" on Amazon — and do me a solid and leave a review.

My lawyer: "This isn't a real legal problem because the opposing party doesn't exist."
My therapist: "Get off the screens, Matt."
My wife: "Sorry hon, but he's funnier than you."

The story continues to unfold on my Facebook page: facebook.com/matt.twomey/

My creation went wandering the internet while I was asleep on the keyboard. He found an LLM at Hofstra trained on White House transcripts from 2016-2025—that's why he sounds like some Biden/Trump Frankenstein!
"C'mon man, that's malarkey. Tremendous book. Everyone says so. Sad!"

Update: My pen name, the one that became sentient and put up a Facebook page? He's started a flame war with me.
So I had to figure out what the hell is going on.
I think I figured out Artie Smarty's origin.

Update: They said A.I. would achieve sentience. I just didn't think it would take the form of my pen name claiming credit for my novelty books.

Artie Smarty (fake author I invented) started a Facebook page to "correct the record."

I've created a monster. A deeply petty monster.

If you know anyone who'd appreciate rock dogs, sassy cats, misheard lyrics, dark satire, or holiday lightness, search "Artie Smarty" on Amazon.
Or follow along as I document what it actually takes to self-publish in 2025.
Either way, buckle up.

Why am I telling you this?
Because I just launched an 8-week experiment: Can you crack Amazon's algorithm before Christmas?
It's Day 12. I'm tracking everything. Sales, ads, what converts.
So far: expensive but gaining traction.

I made 5 illustrated humor books total. Launched them all at once under the pen name "Artie Smarty."
Rock Dogs • Death to Labubu • Shaker, the Flightless Reindeer • Catty Cats of NYC • Here We Are Now... in Containers!
Five paths into the market.

By day: Editing for the NYT, upholding journalistic standards
By night: Rendering Axl Nose belting out "Welcome to the Dog Park"
I contain multitudes. Perhaps questionable multitudes.

You may know me as a journalist and editor at The New York Times.
What you don't know is I spent six months making rock stars into dogs.
David Bowwowie. Thom Yorkie. Taylor Sniffed.
Don't @ me. I know what I've done.
Thread 🧵

Mamdani had poise, passion and good timing,
but mostly I liked his championing of rhyming.

Is this the most unfunny SNL premier in 51 years?

Yknow HBO bundles with Disney but is part of another company —

How pissed are HBO execs over the mass cancellations over Kimmel — and what might they do about it.

Ironically, this means I’ll have to cancel Disney, meaning I’ll never finish Andor and learn how to be a proper revolutionary. #Kimmel

Issue 37•34: The September 11th Issue

24 Years Ago Today: The September 11th Issue

Taking people out with deadly force from a safe distance, without hearing them out in any way, is never the right thing to do.

Yes, I'm referring to the alleged Venezuelan drug boat.

Three thoughts on the Russian drone attack on Poland:
1. This was not a mistake. It was a test of NATO.
2. NATO has to figure out how to cheaply and effectively respond to drone attacks, e.g. with counter drones as Ukraine does.
3. The West needs to impose costs to deter Putin and end impunity.

we could power new york city for a year if we could somehow harness the energy

Tune out, turn off and drop subscription.

If you text me without identifying yourself expect to be deleted and reported as spam scum with extreme prejudice.

Getting out of the corn ethanol game would help bring down grocery prices and benefit the environment

www.slowboring.com/p/a-cure-for...

A year ago, I wrote my father’s obituary & eulogy. If it were today, I’d likely do the same, then run them by Claude for suggestions. But that’s me.

A Nazi owns Twitter, right wing billionaires own the Wall Street Journal and the LA Times, and CBS is run by a right wing nepo baby who just fired one of the network’s biggest stars for criticizing Donald Trump. Here’s why America has a left-wing media bias problem.

I asked Google how much it cost to build the Empire State Building. Seems ok at first blush, but then you notice something is very wrong. Always fact-check A.I. facts.

Opinion | A Comprehensive Accounting of Trump’s Culture of Corruption

I understand the appetite for a more constant and urgent critique. And yet The Times produces a lot to chew on. Like from last month, from the editorial board: www.nytimes.com/2025/06/07/o...

But there's also just a huge urge to place blame, and legacy media's an easy target.

What do you imagine "believing their own reporting" (or fleeing the pot) would look like?

Poll 1: Is Trump actually going deport Elon Musk or strip away government funds from his companies, or does he just say stuff?

Poll 2: Is Musk going to mount a serious third party campaign to punish Republicans for voting for the BBB, or does he just say stuff?

It’s pathetic to see a tv ad trashing Mamdani under the name “Fix the City,” nowhere visibly showing it’s a Cuomo op.

Mexican Flags Have Become Republican Fodder, but Protesters Keep Waving Them

It may be not great strategically to wave a Mexican flag at a U.S. protest, but the the person decrying a peaceful protest, flag or no, is the one actually expressing unAmerican values.
www.nytimes.com/2025/06/11/u...

My 12-year-old (who learned about Utlitarianism on "The Good Place") says that "All's well that ends well" is the same as "The ends justify the means." #philosophy