LAFC Falcon

SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU ALL AGAIN, HOMINIDS!!! Personally I always enjoy feasting on a loon, tastes like duck. Daleeeee!!!!

Look, all of us falcons have stories about our falconers, but unlike those blathering idiots in the buteo genus, WE KEEP OUR BEAKS SHUT when reporters come around

Red Bull is supposed to give humans wings, which it absolutely fucking does *not.* But I suppose it's at least a noble ambition. Simple hominids dreaming of being even half as majestic as I am is sorta charming, I guess? So I'll cheer for them... ugh.

Even soaring at 2,500 feet in the dark, it seems like I'm seeing the game more clearly than this referee. #LAFC

*shrieks in falcon*

Heeeey I know that guy!!! Cuz hit me up, I'll teach you how to type and we can hype LAFC together!!!

And now, my patented BIRD'S EYE VIEW prediction for the game (based on an ancient system first concocted 143 million years ago by my Archeopteryx forefather, who was a huge soccer nerd): #LAFC 4- Flounders 1. Daleeee! *shrieks falcon territorial battle cry*

It's finally here!!! It's finally time for #LAFC family to pack BMO and cheer the team to victory!!! I've been so bored waiting for tonight, but it'll all be worth it. Don't tell anyone, but I'm so excited I'm molting a little!!!

It's all love but real talk, feathery BlueSky > furry BlueSky. That's just science

Dale dale dale Black and Gold!

I just want to be a bird pretending to be a human who is pretending to be a bird who really loves a specific soccer team in peace, man. It feels like a relatively simple ask from the hominids.

Can you imagine having to look at those insane Sounders uniforms with *four* types of color receptors in your eyes, instead of your puny, human, limited color vision? No, no you can't. Nobody can imagine how much pain that shade of green causes me. BLACK AND GOLD FOREVER

YouTube video by Port Monkeys Fish Throwing at Pike Place Fish Market in Seattle, Washington

WOOOOW look at these dumb Seattle humans, they don't even know what to do after they catch a fish! They just keep throwing them! You're SUPPOSED to tear into it with your beak and EAT it, dummies! #LAFC are going to crush the Sounders! ¡¡¡Dale dale dale Black and Gold!!!
youtu.be/KKcQnqVYZkY?...

I swooped down and said this exact thing outside the front office window, but apparently they don't speak raptor? I had just assumed

a close up of a bird 's head with a black background ALT: a close up of a bird 's head with a black background

Boy, do I know that feeling.

Because our species diverged evolutionarily *well* over 100 million years ago, I can't exactly reciprocate this feeling. But if we met, I would totally offer you some regurgitated rabbit kill, or even help you pick a nice cliffside nesting spot. And we'll always have LAFC! Fuck Seattle. Can't wait!

Oh, I'm not *the* LAFC Falcon, I'm *a* LAFC falcon, but those birds are my cousins and we totally all know each other. They want me in the Big Show too, totally, but like, for now I'm cool just being a falcon who loves LAFC por vida SQUIRREL SQUIRREL IT'S A SQUIRREL sorry gotta go

Generally insist on live prey, would make exception for this

Can't believe I have to wait until next weekend for more soccer. That's ridiculous. It reminds me of this one time, when-- PIGEON!!! THERE'S A PIGEON gotta go

I'm *a* LAFC falcon. I'm not *the* LAFC falcon, but yes, in this one case... we do actually all know each other.

Finally learned how to type, let's see how it goes. At least this place isn't full of tweets, like that other one. How was I supposed to concentrate when everything made me hungry