Alche_

I am aware that this reads as pathetically embarrassing and i know crying this out to an empty audience accomplished nothing, but i've bottled up so much and i have nobody i would want to confide in, and the abyss is all i can scream at.

I'm just exhausted. I'm just weak. I'm sorry.

I feel like a horrible, shitty person who has no right to exist, and i hate that the only quick way out is a painful agonizing exit that won't secure my peace.

This world just isn't designed from me, for my design is an aberration against gods own image.

If i were to die right now, the world will keep spinning, nobody's life will really fundamentally change with my absence. I don't benefit anyone or anything and i beg for the day i just suddenly and painlessly vanish.

But that would be too good for someone like me.

But even what i say about my parents raises questions. Being born was objectively a cruel fate to condemn me to. I have to be born as a fucking socially inept autist who has very little passion, purpose, or goals, and i need to live purely not to fucking upset anyone.

The loneliness feels overbearing. I don't feel connected with my family despite them being good people, most of my close friends are insincere and use me as nothing but a punching bag, and anyone i have met in my time at uni or college has basically left my life and been forgotten.

I feel horribly disconnected and isolated from humanity, i am surrounded by friends and family, but yet it feels like there is nothing but shadows around me. A present nothingness that obscures the love and attention i shamefully desire to an unhealthy extent.

And if all these disgusting scars and marks aren't enough punishment for this failing body as is, i suffer from an unknown, frustrating bladder-related issue that i have had to grin and bare for 5+ years now with no end in sight. All these extensive tests and i can't even feel a little at ease.

It deeply upsets me that most of my friends or people i run into look so much better than the most minimal improvements i can desire. I can't look at my own face or body in the mirror without either feeling uncomfortable or disgusted by my looks.

Anytime i look at myself i see a fucking atrocity of a human. All the mirror reminds me of is failure and disgust. I am a repulsive, ugly, malformed man riddled in disgusting scars and oddities that i have no control over, and i have to live with them until the day i die.

And even then, fun outings or trips are simply a blur and do not justify this miserable fucking cycle that i have been entrapped in since i was born. I'm so fucking tired, i don't want to do shit anymore, no matter how passionate i am about it. And the fact i have 60+ years in the tank scares me.

Everyday i wake up tired, exhausted, unhappy. I am so used to the routines of every day life that i have grown sick and tired of them. Even noticeable life changes like a new year of university or starting a new job is effective just the school routine repackaged for adults.

The things residing in my head and body is going to tear me apart piece by piece until there is nothing left of me.

watching death note rn why doesn't light ever ask grok if this is true

idk how to put it really. just kind of tired you know.

being alive in this world is a fucking curse and i see no benefit in being here

or worse... someone who just loves you! 😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨😨

who up being a stain on humanity???

There's going to be a point in the near future where people start making protogens real and bringing them to furcons. And inevitably, some fursuiter wearing a cardboard crown will point at one in the hotel lobby and scream "GET THIS CLANKER OUT THE FURCON!" before a huge fight breaks out.

wanting to be verbally abused in dms... truly a strange creature with an interesting request. i should study your brain in a lab.

oh. you are one of those guys.

actually, i am THE number #1 insane yandere woman enjoyer. if i am not having my guts chainsawed during an intimate moment then the marriage was all for naught.

@scoopypoopy300.bsky.social thanks.

if i had to look at the mirror for a prolonged period of time i would be upset and vomiting

oh, you're GAY!? HA! if you like MEN so much, why don't you- hey hey wait where the fuck did you get this wedding ring dude what come on stop kneeling STOP!

watching you dildo brain cock suckers play w/ AI shit is like watching a dog paw at one of those puzzle boxes that you put treats inside of

ideal relationship tbh

uk government, please let me see naked boobies and dick on the internet i am a human creature person and i am very trustworthy in seeing naked people. here is proof of me being a human that is trustworthy in seeing humans without clothes:

Being a sniper is honestly the gayest role in the military.

What do you mean your job is to look at men zoomed in for long periods of time to "shoot your shot" and to "fill them with your """lead""""...

Yeah right, buddy...

eating cereal late at night is kinda cool

You are all past the point of redemption, and that point was missed long ago by nothing but pure ignorance. You sicken me.

One day, all of you will ache like i do, and the empty cries you beckon out facing the world is met with the oppressive apathy that surrounds you. Every comfort you own will turn to dust as your soul atrophies under your sins you could never wash off, for they are eternal.