Spooky J. Weaselbones

Slow Boat on me Loaves, ya Bitch

Moo Market Toffee

Yo, Sip Bro’s Tea Toe

Mick Hail Gore Budge Of

(Excerpts from presidential cheat sheets)

where are my Rheingau Riesling Qualitätswein drinking faggots at

Consolidated What-cha-ma-tron is a division of Weaselbones Industries which is wholly owned by Consolidated What-cha-ma-tron

I’m thrilled to announce the launch of my parent corporation/debt hideyhole, Consolidated Whatch-a-ma-tron!

I broke into Aaron Sorkin’s house once.

He had hundreds of file cabinets, all stuffed to destruction with page after page of this:

Every picture of Kash Patel looks like he’s auditioning for a Disney Channel movie, and the casting director has just shouted out, “okay now give us getting hit in the groin” and he obliges but is only giving it about 50%

I need a two bedroom apartment so that with all the rooms added up I can refer to them as quadrants

I want to be the exact level of famous where I can cover my uber eats habit with merch sales but nobody expects me to comment on the latest YouTuber controversy

Purchased with assistance from the Friends of the Tate Gallery 1984

Jean Tinguely, Débricollage, 1970 #artbots #tate
https://botfrens.com/collections/14375/contents/1126004

Michael Biehn is the Michael Biehn of not quite being Mark Hamill

YouTube video by NeilCicieregaMusic Neil Cicierega - Furries

This is a song about the only people on this webzone who share my posts

youtu.be/LqJTk-6HBD4?...

Someone put me out of my misery

(Giving me a yummy chicken pot pie will accomplish this)

I once tried to do a parody of vaguebooking and the result of that was a lot of people being very concerned about me

But the temptation is always there because when I give in and post politics, it always gets way more engagement than anything else I do.

4

Once you reach that point, what you actually believe and say and do all cease to be relevant. You think Coolsville sucks and that’s all there is to it.

3

The fact is that having any kind of prominence on lefty social media means that a growing number of people are just waiting for you to say something—ANYTHING—that can be over-interpreted so that they can witness another downfall.

2

The treachery with my political posting is that I’m really good at it. I fucking rule at metaphors and forming arguments.

But I try to post politics as seldom as possible because accumulating that following is fucking dangerous.

1

When Dems are in power, it’s like, “we tried to ban uranium from schools but the Outback Steakhouse act of 1802 meant we couldn’t vote until Mitch McConnell finished his bloomin’ onion

When the GOP is in power it’s like, “by executive post-it, we’re putting salmonella back in the chickens”

Seems like the taboo against rebooting a franchise too soon after the last one came out has disappeared entirely. Absolutely no one is going, “hey, there was just a Superman movie in 2021, shouldn’t we wait a bit before…” because that is officially the weird opinion to have now by a tiny margin

NO!! DON'T LET THE MEME TOUCH THE ANTI-MEME! IF YOU DO IT'LL EXP--

The rockets didn’t light together, giving us this perfection

Hey #physics people

1. I make my spaceship go light speed at velocity X
2. I am now traveling at the absolute speed limit of the universe
3. I give my spaceship a delta V of negative speed of light at velocity X

Am I now absolutely still in the universe?

“Being gay isn’t a personality” but I’m supposed to accept that being obsessed with the Roman Empire is????

Growing up doesn’t mean you stop loving cartoons. But it does mean that no one cares if you think “cartoons are garbage now”. They’re made for kids, and you’re not kids.

And this is also why it’s lame to go on and on about how terrible pop music is. Even though it’s god damn fucking horrendous.

WHO THE FUCK NAMES THEIR KID “SAINT PANCREAS”

Oh, sorry Rambo, did the sight of this razor blade while being restrained hashtag le TRIGGER YOU????

What does it say about society that basically the instant Mythbusters went off the air they were replaced with dozens and dozens of shows about ghosts and aliens

They were holding back a flood we never even saw

A true story of American cooperation: People on both sides of the aisle are working together to just not talk about the fact that our insane president attacked Iran a few weeks ago in the hopes that it will just kind of go away

Just tried to swype the word “arfenhouse” like c’mon Spooky you know that’s not in the Apple keyboard dictionary