Bill Hicks Quotes

I was walking through Central Park, and I saw an old man smoking. Nothing makes a smoker happier than to see an old person smoking. This guy was ancient, bent over a walker, puffing away. I'm like, "Duuude, you're my hero! Guy your age smoking, man, it's great." He goes, "What? I'm 28."

Everyone is hawking products. That’s like the highest thing you can achieve now, isn’t it? Become some barker. Sinatra hawks beer; he doesn’t have enough money, does he?

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

#BillHicks #jokes #quotes

Don’t put pot in the drug category. It’s an herb, man. Like tea. Not only do I think pot should be legalized, I think it should be mandatory… That’d be a nice world. Mellow, hungry, quiet,
fucked up people everywhere.

I need my sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at night.

Never murdered anyone, never robbed anyone, never raped anyone, never beat anyone, never lost a job, a car, a house, a wife OR kids, laughed my ass off... and went about my day.

We're the hooligans! *bop*

I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.

Seriously, kill yourself, you have no rationalisation for what you do, you are Satan’s little helpers. Kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself now. Now, back to the show. Seriously, I know the marketing people: ‘There’s gonna be a joke comin' up.’ There’s no fuckin’ joke.

The thing is, that most of the people in Congress want us to think that every problem is so unsolvable. They just gloss over them and make us think that sometime in the ‘near’ distant future they will be resolved. So the people just think to themselves, ‘Who knows better than this guy, I guess?

The idea of getting a, you know, syringe full of heroin and shooting it in the vein under my cock right now seems like almost a productive act.

Do you think magic mushrooms growing atop cow shit was an accident? Where do you think the phrase, ‘that’s good shit’ came from? Why do you think Hindus think cows are holy? Holy shit!

I need my sleep. I need about eight hours a day, and about ten at night.

Ringo's got a song he wants to sing uhz, something about living in a yellow tambourine or something.

You think when Jesus comes back, he really wants to see a cross? That’s like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on.

YouTube video by Telly Gold Bill Hicks Music Critic

Bill Hicks reviews the latest singles from Morrissey, Kingmaker and Mega City Four on Wired (1992)

youtu.be/jzW6Wr6mlNU?...

Bill Hicks - “It’s just a ride”

Good night 🌙

They're puttin' music to AIDS germs--putting a drum machine behind them and a metronome beat and Ted Turner's colorizing them, goddamn it. These aren't even really people, man. It's a CIA plot to make you think malls are good. Don't you see?

A quote of the day from Bill Hicks

Words of wisdom. #BillHicks #QuoteOftheDay

I know this is not a very popular idea. You don't hear it too often any more … but it's the truth. I have taken drugs before and … I had a real good time. Sorry.

I believe everyone has this fuckin' poem in his heart.

Bill Hicks
RIP
#Truth

The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions.

They tell us Rock’n’roll is the Devil’s music.
Well, let’s say we know that rock is the devil’s music, and we know that it is, for sure ok? At least he fucking jams!

Bill Hicks was the man.

Bill Hicks

Been on what I call my Flying Saucer Tour, which means, like flying saucers, I too have been
appearing in small Southern towns in front of handfuls of hilbillies lately and, uh, been
doubting my own existence.

I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, “Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest.” This guy was reaching. I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don’t
think a Marlboro Light’s gonna faze him that much.

Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.