was riffing on a show last night & said that something looked like tripe. for some reason, an audience member immediately (instinctively?) just repeated "tripe!" in response, which led to the following:
me: WHEN I SAY "TRIPE," YOU SAY "TRIPE!" TRIPE!
audience: TRIPE!
me: TRIPE!
audience: TRIPE!
23.09.2025 18:12 β π 4 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
lolol i messed this up, i used to think it was about the search for good will
17.09.2025 14:33 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
when i get those scammy bait texts pretending to have the wrong number, trying to be flirty, and they send a selfie of some random asian lady
like... this won't work on me. i don't want asian lady. i have asian lady at home
13.09.2025 16:13 β π 3 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
this machine kills fascists
this machine kills anti-fascists
this machine kills pretty much anyoneβ it's an oscillating fan i glued knives to, very dangerous machine
11.09.2025 17:41 β π 2 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
back to school! so much to do!
β stock up on candy
β rearrange desks
β go over class lists
β find mouse poop in the office microwave
β warn colleagues about mouse poop in the microwave
β clean up mouse poop in microwave
β log on to tell bluesky i had to clean mouse poop out of the office microwave
25.08.2025 19:57 β π 5 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
i'm so happy to hear that, thank you for the kind words. please tell your kid i said, "hi!!"
23.08.2025 00:23 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 1 π 0
i've never gotten a massage, and i don't really want one, but i do regularly fantasize about lying down on one those tables with the hole for the face and taking the best nap of my life
14.08.2025 16:24 β π 4 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
This PEANUTS comic strip was published #OTD on June 19, 1951.
19.06.2025 16:35 β π 149 π 22 π¬ 1 π 1
my dadβs a big tech nerd, has been experimenting with AI, & has been really impressed by what it can do
when he excitedly showed my mom so she could try, the first thing she asked it was, βhow do i kill you?β it refused to tell her. then she asked it for insider trading tips (which it also refused)
08.08.2025 20:07 β π 4 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
the extremely toothy man from the trivago commercials haunts me
31.07.2025 16:11 β π 3 π 1 π¬ 3 π 0
and people who say stuff like, "they're more afraid of you than you are of them!" you are WRONG
i get the heebie jeebies just seeing a centipede scurry around from across the room. meanwhile, that centipede cannot even COMPREHEND how much of a THREAT i am. it has NO IDEA i'm about to UTTERLY ANNIHβ
27.07.2025 03:49 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
i don't like it when people say, "nooo, don't kill spiders you find indoors, they eat smaller bugs!" or, "the centipedes eat the spiders, so don't kill those either!"
nah. when i see a bug in my home, i'mma kill it. this is my apartment. i'm trying to chill in here, not sustain an ecosystem
27.07.2025 03:40 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 1 π 0
real ones remember
21.07.2025 19:19 β π 0 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
YouTube video by DIEHARD Studio
Mutant League Intro
aw, my gif didn't work π£
21.07.2025 19:18 β π 3 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
when was i radicalized?
probably when an earthquake tore up the stadium i was playing football in, exposing me to toxic waste, and turning me into a mutant made of bones (who still loves football)
21.07.2025 19:15 β π 2 π 0 π¬ 2 π 0
you've inherited a movie theater, what's your first double feature
21.07.2025 18:47 β π 3 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
most of the journalists/activists i used to follow on twitter came to bluesky, but a lot of the comedians/writers didn't, so my feed is all off. non-stop horrifying & heartbreaking news, not enough stupid & irreverent shitposting
17.07.2025 22:14 β π 6 π 0 π¬ 2 π 0
in a car-shaped toilet, do you sit in the driver's seat to pee or do you pee into the gas tank?
27.06.2025 16:58 β π 0 π 0 π¬ 1 π 0
i'm waiting at a dealership because apparently it takes 2 hours to duplicate a car key. at some point i'm going to have to use the restroom. i hope the toilet's shaped like a car π€
27.06.2025 16:57 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 1 π 0
every time i use a stapler, i can't help but think "now I'M the stapler"
03.06.2025 01:43 β π 3 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
"one man's trash is another man's treasure!" - me, burying my garbage in the neighbor's backyard
19.04.2025 17:00 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
i'm what they call an "old soul"
no, it's not because i'm wise beyond my years. it's because as a dog in a human body (cursed by a witch) my soul still ages in dog years and i'm actually 259-years-old
09.04.2025 01:50 β π 5 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
recruiter: you're certainly qualified for this position, and you seem like you'd be a great fit on our team! do you have questions for me about the job?
me: just one. what about recess?
recruiter: excuse me? i don't understand
me: i apologize, i should've been more clear. i meant WHEN is recess?
08.04.2025 20:29 β π 2 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
my parents are vietnamese, but i was born & raised in the U.S. and grew up in the suburbs of MN. and while i've conformed to and adopted countless white, midwestern cultural norms and practices, one thing i will NEVER understand and will NEVER EVER do... is refer to a child as a lil stinker or turd
07.04.2025 18:08 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
in college, i worked with a rich kid who talked non-stop about his affluent lifestyle. whenever he'd mention vacationing at luxury resorts in jackson hole (which he did often), i'd just say "jackson's hole?" and he'd get upset every time
04.04.2025 18:39 β π 5 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
i knew it, the only thing that could compromise their excellent customer service is their insatiable thirst for tveite
27.03.2025 16:32 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
and why do the car rental agents always type like keyboard murdered their whole family?
27.03.2025 16:31 β π 6 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
why does renting a car take SO LONG, even if you've already made a reservation and pre-paid? like, WHY does the rental agent always have to TYPE so much?? WHAT ARE THEY TYPING????
27.03.2025 16:29 β π 25 π 1 π¬ 5 π 2
descartes would be proud
descartes : i think, therefore i am : : me : i staple, therefore i am a stapler
21.03.2025 19:57 β π 0 π 0 π¬ 0 π 0
i staple papers almost daily at work. and whenever i do, i can't help but think about how whenever i USE a stapler... i also BECOME a stapler
21.03.2025 19:45 β π 1 π 0 π¬ 1 π 0
best-selling, award-winning, transsexual comics idiot, beautiful giantess // buy SIMPLICITY on sale now // mattielubchansky.com // @nogodsnomayors.com // temporalculturewar.com // she
Convos, shows, and parties. Based in NYC. Tired, but here. Produced by 400,000,000.
Celebrating cartoonist Charles M. Schulz, creator of Snoopy & the Peanuts gang!
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I'm Jeffrey Rowland! I work @topa.to. Generative AI is unnecessary and harmful. Available for private parties and events. He/Him
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(Comic strip)
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the most famous one on here
Comedian and building enthusiast.
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My Hulu & Disney+ comedy special "Father" is out now! Come see me live on TOUR AtsukoComedy.com! 1/2 Taiwanese 1/2 Japanese π€ in LA β€οΈ
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green eyes, chunky thighs, eatin chicken pot pies. local rapper
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@ NYCC 2025
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Currently: Rick & Morty comics for Oni, Darkwing Duck comics for Dynamite, Strip Law for Netflix.
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