Ben Rosen

IG screenshot with copy: John Stamos Hears Papa Roach For The First Time! ✨

they say it’s the most beautiful 9 word sentence in the english language

thank you for this

James Downey on the Conan podcast

jeff epstein? the enigma who loves his birthday?

clearly an influence, the man must have been a crane head

apparently now the woke scolds say it's wrong to relish in the joy of keeping secrets with your pal, the world's biggest pedophile

"seeing coldplay" is a pretty good euphemism for having an affair

i'm listening...

superman but instead of punk rock he keeps insisting he's indie sleaze

mamdani videos:

- quick cuts
- many locations
- joyful interactions

cuomo videos:

- long, static shot in one location
- "HR has asked me to read the following statement" energy
- meeting regular people but it's like if billy on the street was hosted by emperor palpatine

1977: why would the bartender in star wars even care if some robots with artificial intelligence came into his bar

2025: ohhh ok

Email from Amazon Health Subj: Prime members, healthcare just got easier

new six word dystopian fiction just dropped

fuel, fire or that which i desire: nobody rides for free

NYTIMES SCOOP: Zohran Mamdani Last In High School Class

PARAGRAPH FOUR: ᵃˡᵖʰᵃᵇᵉᵗᶦᶜᵃˡˡʸ ᵇʸ ᶠᶦʳˢᵗ ⁿᵃᵐᵉ

He’s trying to distract us!
This is not normal!
Someone needs to stop him!

- me at a magic show

Rodney Dangerfield

you know, my marriage is a lot like F1. yeah if i’m lucky we F1 time a year

bar cheering at giant screen showing Chuck Schumer tweet reading: NEWS: I just got the name struck off this bill with a move on the floor of the Senate. It is no longer named "One Big Beautiful Bill."

Trending music artists on Google: 1 (with laurels): Diddy 2: Lorde 3: Lewis Capaldi

ok but we don’t need to give him the decorative number

new my wife
yorkers when she
realizes what
i’m about to
do after
listening to
the blue album
and pinkerton
back to back
🤝
don’t rank cuomo

republicans: guess what we’re running back 2003

me: quality shows up and down nbc’s must see tv lineup?

republicans: no…

me: a robust physical media market?

republicans: no…

me: ᵈᵃˢʰᵇᵒᵃʳᵈ ᶜᵒⁿᶠᵉˢˢⁱᵒⁿᵃˡ

they’re saying sneako so much the word is starting to lose all meaning

yeah i went to a no king event today. no king boots with your mom

Rodney Dangerfield

the problem with trump’s parade is nobody came. yeah same as my wedding night

i don’t like brunch so my sign says “IF KAMALA WAS PRESIDENT WE’D ALL BE ALONE IN OUR CARS EATING CHEESY GORDITA CRUNCHES OVER THE CENTER CONSOLES SO WE DONT DRIP FIRE SAUCE ON OUR SHIRTS”

accidentally went to the two princes rally but everybody loves my badum badoo badum badee badumadubba dubba dumma sign

grabbing the megaphone at the no kings rally and just ripping into mike bibby

🚨the appropriate democrat response here is simple and it must happen swiftly:

1) bring a nonbinding resolution to the senate floor that is voted down
2) focus group the efficacy of writing a letter to the president
3) ask me for $12

we truly are living in a dystopia - the military is occupying an american city, driverless cars are roaming the streets, fleishman is in trouble,

yeah no need to watch it now

me: in cheers frasier said his dad was dead but then when sam visited him in seattle he had to explain that he was lying because their relationship was strained but to me the weirder thing is he never mentioned niles to anyone at cheers

the federal soldier being unlawfully quartered in my home: ok

nobody wants to work anymore! except for all the people signing up to get tear gassed as paid protestors