Ben Haslam

Thread. Well done.

"Mr Secretary, how are you approaching the supply chain of the numbers of leeches required to bolster your immunization plans?"

Elon will now need another country who accepts white South Africans as one seeking asylum. It is funny, though.

a man wearing a headset says i dunno jeff in front of a crowd of people ALT: a man wearing a headset says i dunno jeff in front of a crowd of people

"There's white smoke over the roof of the Vatican. But who's it gone to? Chris Kamara..."

He's what you'd get if you ordered Bob Hoskins off Temu.

Our furbaby says 'meow', whilst enjoying some birds of prey.

Apropos of nothing: Kamala Harris predicted this exact moment happening:

“Understand that part of Trump’s plan is to put in place a national sales tax of at least 20% on everyday goods and necessities.”

She warned us over & over again & she was so right.

I have just pivoted from Fleetwood Mac's excellent 'Tango in the Night' to 2 Unlimited on my Spotify and I have absolutely no intentions of apologising for this.

I have an update to share with you. My closest colleagues will get this by email, too, so sorry if this repeats itself. 👇

Won't you PUH-LEASE think of those poor unemployed generators? (Enough Farage pls. - Ed.)

Just read it. Fascinating stuff. Looked at The Dreaming's web site and they have a bursary wait list for people to get their visits subsidised when they can't afford the asking rate. Really love the idea of that.

To the tune of ‘Mandy’

🎶Oh Monday
Well, you came and you ended the weekend
You are such a bellend
Oh Monday
Well, you pissed me off before I got up
And I need you to sod off
Oh Monday🎶

Must be a reference for "I Don't Wanna Talk About It" in this

Put me down for some discount foie gras with a mystery meat chaser. Fluffy ruffs on the side.

It was unexpectedly warm in Chicago when my wife and I were getting her visa from the British Consulate in the Wrigley Building in August 2001. I'm sure you recall, heat index in the 110s I believe. Went on river/lake tour to cool off, guy running it took pity on us and let us ride again for free...

OK hear me out. A Lord of the Rings remake, but with these two taking the One Ring to Mordor:

TOP GITS TONIGHT

All Things Must Pass was a double LP. Absolutely sublime. But outside of that, a bit hit-and-miss.

Liverpool with the biggest theft in Paris since the Museum of Modern Art heist of 2010. #PSGLIV #UEFAChampionsLeague

We need to get to the point of: "JD Vance? That's you that is."

Should've gone in at Basildon Bond and worked down.

Two masterpieces in one.

Put her on Newsnight now in partnership with @vicderbyshire.bsky.social - interviews will get even better.

Some of the things being written are a bit much. But Venky's did make blunder after blunder in the beginning and I've got a lot of sympathy to the argument that it would appear that league position notwithstanding, that they are opaque at best with little engagement with fans. Perception is reality.

Solid choice. One of those kids shows with humour adults watching with kids (or rewatching when adults) can appreciate, and laugh again for different reasons. I'd put the original Danger Mouse and Count Duckula in that bracket. And the woefully unrepeated "Diamond Brothers" series from 1991.

No matter what is happening in the world we will always have Emu hurling Rod Hull into a freezer to cheer us up!

Dress like it's a funeral. Everyone in black. Women wear the black hats with the veil. Men with black ties. Stand up and look at the floor while he speaks, and recite the Lord's Prayer over and over (or variants thereof for other religions) at a volume not too loud, but not whispering. He'll hate it

I've always called Farridge "the National Front in a tweed suit". It's getting more true as time ticks by.

"It's bigger on the inside..."

There once was a poet named Julie,
Whose prose was fuelled by Drambuie,
It all started well,
But finished in Hell,
Because the last stanza was screwy.