Titty Contour

Last two trips I took I didn’t even use a carryon, just my large telfar. And I managed to serve LEWKS on both trips. I brought the little bag my sheets came in as a purse to use when I wasn’t using my telfar. I looked chic as fuck tbh.

I wear something incredibly chic that I can sleep in to the airport and those are my pjs for the trip. I like to go shopping when I travel so I actually don’t pack too many clothes so that I have room for the fun treasures I pickup.

Pack clothes inside your shoes. I typically fly with only two pairs of shoes packed—heels and a weather appropriate shoe (either sandals or boots). I wear sneakers to the airport. For clothes I let my whimsy takeover but I like to pack mostly dresses since they take up less space.

I am PRO makeup eraser cloths for travel. They take up less space than normal makeup remover, and you can shove them in either your carryon or personal item. If your makeup is super stubborn use a face oil in conjunction with it.

For beauty products I don’t bother with travel cases. Put that shit in reusable contact lenses cases. They take up WAY less space and you can leave them behind if need be.

That said, your personal item must (at least mostly) fit under the seat in front of you. Do NOT put two items in the overhead!! That’s demonic!!!

You gotta get a little scammy with the personal item to make it work. To avoid scrutiny I recommend walking onto the plan with your coat draped over the arm carrying the personal item. I also recommend using a bag that DOES NOT have a zip closure. It’s more pursey!

Splurge on a carryon with wheels that has a lot of space. I love my Away bigger carryon. I bought one for my mother also. For my “personal item” I use the large Telfar, it’s secretly fucking enormous. Any LARGE unstructured purse will do.

I went to post-holiday drinkies at my boss’ house and am now dming my friends packing tips so that they can go abroad and not check a bag. I’m going to turn this into a thread so I can share my knowledge.

Hmmm apparently I only go on Bluesky after I’ve had at least two martinis.

Being a huge slut when I was in my 20s has made me so good at packing. I’m a virginal packing queen now that I’m an ancient 33 year old crone.

Gives me some hope because I really thought “oh fuck I’m old now and can’t party like I used to” but no, I do not have an extended hangover, I have COVID.

It took me 4 years….but I finally got Covid.

My friend met her (now ex) husband because they were both selling food in the parking lot at phish shows. Always gave me hope.

A round plastic quart container. Waiting for you to save it and fill it with bevies and leftovers.

I’m obsessed with reusable sandwich bags!!! And quart containers, they’re plastic but I use them for everything. My favorite way is to cut a hole in the lid, stick a straw in, and bam you’ve got an iced coffee cup!

I never ever do the money pinning thing but I thought it would be fun to get free drinks for my birthday and I somehow made exactly $33 and that felt like fate? A man told me that global warming wasn’t real and gave me a $10 bill 😍

Leith wearing a black velvet dress with money pinned to a chest, she’s wearing red platform boots and has her legs draped over her red headed friend. Her friend is wearing a red silk dress. They’re sitting on a red pool table. It’s a sexy moody room. They’ve been drinking dirty martinis all night, it’s just after midnight.

Leith with semi-drunk eyes showing off a tattoo of a disco ball. The captain says “drinks one martini and gets another tattoo.” Reader, she had more than one martini.

The beginning of the evening, a selfie Leith took in her living room mirror (it’s cute, has a gold frame) showing off her outfit, a long black velvet dress with red platform boots and a black cardigan with an art deco-esque gold pattern.

Leith standing in front of her house wearing the aforementioned black velvet dress but she’s swapped the boots out for white platform crocs. She’s holding a glass of champagne (piper heidseick) and a cigarette. It’s very clearly a screenshot of an Instagram post because she was drunk and thought she looked cute and never bothered to crop it.

Haven’t been here in a minute but I turned 33 on New Year’s Eve and looked very hot while doing so.

Did you know that there’s a large community of horny archie comics Instagram accounts?

A guy I used hook up with occasionally (despite neither one of us being the other’s usual fare) just posted a picture of his mom and I’m so scared and understand what he saw in me now 😭

One of my friends quit his job and I announced it in a group chat (that he isn’t in) with “DIVA DOWN: *** ********* quit ***.”

Leith making a creepy smile with an Instagram filter that makes her lips look bigger and covers her face and hair with glitter star things. It’s captioned “Me when I reply ‘so chic’ to 500 people but also I mean it.”

Last night I got drunk* and memed myself

*I ran out of my hardcore water filters and they didn’t arrive until today and I do not trust my tap water and forgot to get water at the store and my reserve was frozen so I obviously could only drink wine, just like my ancestors

If I see one more think piece about how this season of Real Housewives of Potomac is racist I’m going to write a spicy little essay about how The Curse on Showtime is a companion piece to this season.

We almost had a child together 💖

Once again I am thinking about when I dated a chef and he drank a tea one of his Jamaican line cooks told him would give him a “strong boner” and he had diarrhea for two days.

Oh I fell and have a huge bruise still 😍

I guess I should include exercise as a thing Not Depressed Leith found pleasure in, but it’s always been weird exercise like aerial and barre and walking 10 miles while listening to my father’s stoned thoughts.

Going to become a disgusting diet influencer with my new diet “lose weight by exercising less with one simple trick (being so depressed you no longer find joy in the things you once loved, food & wine)”

Started drinking less and I think that’s part of why I lost 20 lbs (I’m good either way but it’s nice to be able to fit into all of the expensive clothes I bought when I had money) but also now my tolerance is shit and I’m going to show up to girls night tonight hammered. Sorry 2 everyone.

There is only one animal shelter in Gaza: Sulala Animal Rescue. Do not fall for scammers online claiming to be rescuers just because they post a sad photo.

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