Tяeasoиous Tяaitoя Tяump

Fuck. My USA Ryder Cup team isn’t making me look very good, actually. I’m pissed. Have them rounded up after the tournament and sent to a gulag…

And have ICE arrest and deport the entire European team to El Salvador. Ungrateful fucks.

Everyone made me look bad. Believe me.
#RyderCup

I want Jack, Mace, and Perry DEPORTED TO EL SALVADOR!

FUCKING NOW!!!

And get me some more ketchup!

Fucking traitor. Can I unpardon him? I want him back in prison. Bigly. Believe me.

Not true, actually. Only Presidents named “Donald J Trump” are immune, OK?

I paid good money to own SCOTUS. I didn’t do that to help Obama. I HATE that guy! He’s better than me at EVERYTHING. Believe me.

A Tweet from Donald Trump Jr. from 9:27 AM, July 8 2023: Show us all the Epstein client list now!!! Why would anyone protect those scum bags? Ask yourselves this question daily and the answer becomes very apparent!!

Shut the fuck up, you dumbass cretin! Are you SURE you’re my kid? I’m not convinced. You’re a low-IQ moron, OK? Plus you’re so ugly, they slapped Ivana’s face when you were born. Are you trying to get me arrested?

Why am I surrounded by so many incompetent losers?
#EpsteinFiles #PedophileDonny

Trump slams his own supporters as 'stupid people' for falling for what he calls the Epstein 'hoax' President Donald Trump lashes out at "stupid people" as he tries to clamp down on criticism over records in Jeffrey Epstein’s sex trafficking investigation.

My base, actually. The dumbest marks a grifter could wish for, actually.

They’re poor and smell. Bigly.

They’re so dumb, they supported me when I took away the Social Security benefits they’d spent their pathetic lives earning, just to give my billionaire pals tax-breaks. Losers. Sad. Believe me.

Ghislaine Maxwell is so unlucky, actually.

Her crooked Dad, Cap’n Bob, fell off his yacht in mysterious circumstances. Her boyfriend, Jeff, broke his neck in his cell.

Maybe that might happen to her? Who knows.

I could pardon her, but she has a big mouth. Maybe she’s better silenced…

Believe me.

People ask me why the girls called me and Jeff Epstein “Mushroom & Egg” when we were out on the town, actually.

I have no idea!

It’s definitely not because of the shapes of our dicks. Absolutely not. That’s not the reason. I’ll sue anyone who says otherwise.

Believe me.

That’s just for starters, actually. We’re going to invest 500 Quintillion Bazillion dollars just at Mar-a-Lago. Just at Mar-a-Lago. Nobody else is getting any. Certainly not Elon.

I sold the #EpsteinList (with one name redacted) to Vladimir for his #Kompromat collection. He paid bigly. Believe me.

Let me clear things up…

There is no Epstein list.

It was on Pam’s desk and then it never existed, OK?

He trafficked girls to his pals, and filmed them, blackmailing them for $Ms.

He was not my pal. Not after he blackmailed me and took me to the cleaners.

I never met him, actually. Believe me

My base, actually. Just the dumbest marks a grifter could wish for.

Even now, they haven’t realized that I am one of the Elite Pedophiles on Epstein’s List! Why else wouldn’t I release it? Doh!

So dumb. Sad. Believe me.

It worked for me. Believe me.

I don’t know why there’s all this interest in Epstein, actually.

I used to hang out with him. He was a lot of fun. Until the blackmail arrived. So I stopped being his pal.

Girls used to love meeting us both. They called us “Mushroom & Egg”, but I never found out why…

Now he’s dead. Believe me.

I don’t know why there’s all this interest in Epstein, actually.

I used to hang out with him. He was a lot of fun. Until the blackmail arrived. So I stopped being his pal.

Girls used to love meeting us both. They called us “Mushroom & Egg”, but I never found out why…

Now he’s dead. Believe me.

Shit. I’m fucked.

When Pam said:
—There was no Epstein Client List.
—Epstein committed suicide.

she misspoke.

What she MEANT to say is:
—The Dems created the Epstein Client List AND PUT THEMSELVES ON IT.
—They then murdered Epstein to stop him blackmailing him.

We’re still not releasing the list because, um, er, …

This is a great idea, that I just had, actually.

Pam! Get on this right-away. Start with the obvious, like Bill Clinton. And then add all the others. Including Hilary and Kamala. They must have been Epstein “clients”, right?

Fixed. Believe me.

I can commit crimes in office. I should take maximum advantage of that.
#FuckJohnRoberts

I could be convinced, actually. She hasn’t blown me in living memory. And she’s not looking as good as she used to. She’s maybe a 3. At best.

I’m still hot. I should move one of my teenage fans into the White House. Melania wouldn’t like me doing that…
#EpsteinFiles

Fuck it, Pam! I thought you were going to have those videos DESTROYED! If you think you can get a pay-raise by holding them over me, you're mistaken. I'll set Stephen Miller on you. Believe me.

It’s amazing, actually. They’ve recreated the exact scent I exude. I like to think it smells like Victory. But the focus group used words like “shit”, “diarrhea”, “sweat”, and “vomit”. I don’t care. My dumb base will buy it, splash it all over their dirty little faces, and gag for days. Believe me.

People are saying bibbity bobbity Iran enrichment Duran Duran it’s just a bad word, OK? Gobbledegook covfefe hamberders. It’s simple. Wibble wobble aced my cognitive… tray? No. Cogni… Anyway. Believe me.

I hate Bullshit Bibi!

He says I have to bomb Iran. So I bypass the diplomacy Liddle' Marco isn't doing, and ignore Congress, and put our Suckers & Losers in harm's way to bomb Iran. Bigly.

Then I would announce I Ended the War and get my NOBEL PEACE PRIZE. But for Bombing Bibi! Believe me.

People are saying that "Bullshit" Bibi "The War Criminal" Netanyahoo pulled my pants down and showed the world my miniature mushroom.

I hate that guy!

Believe me.

PLEASE STOP ALL THE WARS! I need my NOBEL PEACE PRIZE!

Thank you for your attention to this matter. I have spoken.
DEMENTED DONNY, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

I'm PISSED!

War Criminal Bibi told me that he was going to honor my ceasefire—which would have been the first time he ever did that—then he DROPS HIS BOMBS on Iran! Fucking slimy weasel!

He made me look like a total moron. In front of the whole world.
HE FUCKED MY NOBEL PEACE PRIZE! Believe me.

Your quick guide to Trumpspeak:
“In two weeks” = “Never”
“People are saying…” = “I think…”
“Fake News” = “It’s true”
“Believe me” = “I’m lying”
“Stable Genius” = “Total dumbass”
“I have all the best people” = “I hire incompetents”
“Grab ‘em by the pussy” = “Grab ‘em by the pussy”

A “Truth” from Donald J Trump: It is my Great Honor to announce that I will be putting up two beautiful Flag Poles on both sides of the White House, North and South Lawns. It is a GIFT from me of something which was always missing from this magnificent place. The digging and placement of the poles will begin at 7:30 A.M. EST, tomorrow morning. Flags will be raised at approximately 11 A.M. EST. These are the most magnificent poles made - They are tall, tapered, rust proof, rope inside the pole, and of the highest quality. Hopefully, they will proudly stand at both sides of the White House for many years to come!

I have the biggest and best poles, actually. Melania laughed when she first saw the one I keep in my pants. She couldn’t believe it’s size! It’s true. All my ladies laugh when they see it! They’ve never seen anything like it before! Believe me.

A “Truth” from Donald J Trump: Publicity seeking President Emmanuel Macron, of France, mistakenly said that I left the G7 Summit, in Canada, to go back to D.C. to work on a "cease fire" between Israel and Iran. Wrong! He has no idea why I am now on my way to Washington, but it certainly has nothing to do with a Cease Fire. Much bigger than that. Whether purposely or not, Emmanuel always gets it wrong. Stay Tuned!

Macron is wrong, actually. I went back to DC because everyone was laughing at me and calling me a demented dumbass. Believe me.