Marty Danish

Belinda

Proud dork parent moment: My five-year-old learned her first #Stargate SG-1 reference!

Excited for you! 've recently become a huge fan of your standup after seeing you on the Daily Show. Your callbacks are epic--I love the way you plant a joke early on, segue into a related story, and then bring it back JUST as we're forgetting where you started. The surprise gets me every time!

Today, I got a notification from my hospital about some BioBank research thing I forgot I'd consented to when my kid was born. I finally got results! And they're, "So basically, Celexa and these other 15 antidepressants don't work for you."

Yes. I know. Do not ask me how I know.

But still, cool!

Belinda sits in this extra chair by my desk a lot, so I put an old memory foam pillow in it.

We got new wall furniture for our cats to give them more places to sleep in the main bedroom. Both our adult cats have flopped out under it like this.

My five-year-old has started trolling me every time I talk about something from my own childhood with, "You were in the colonial times??"

Listen here

Oh yeah, her name. It's Dottie.

#catsofbluesky #kittensofbluesky

After a six-hour nap

One of our two cats chose me, and the other chose my kid. This devastated my cat loving husband, so today, we went to a local adoption event and had him pick out his own kitten.

Every accusation from the right is a confession in the form of, "aHA! See, you're doing it, too!!"

Most kids grow out of that type of thinking by second or third grade, so I don't know what their excuse is for persisting in it.

The same guy telling you LA is on fire, told you people were eating dogs in Ohio.

#ElonMusk is EVERYTHING they accused #GeorgeSoros of being.

Screenshot of scene from the old game Oregon Trail. There is a green graphic on a black background. The graphic is of an ox pulling a wagon and below it is says YOU HAVE LISTENED TO RFK Jr.

"in-house publications"

Otherwise known in the greater scientific and academic community as circle jerks that aren't acceptable for citation even by freshmen taking their first stab at writing a paper in scientific format for their General Biology class

"Wow, you're really something, aren't you" and "don't be a smartass" is *verbatim* what's said by everyone who thinks of themselves as an authority figure when they realize the person over whom they think they're going to assert said authority isn't buying into their indefensible bullshit.

Cobweb-Covered Skeleton Gripping Senate Desk Expected To Seek 15th Term

What really gets me is that he manages to get the tips of his earlobes with it. Like, how?

Are we sure he's not secretly a 16-year-old mean girl?

This might be the most damning evidence yet that these guys aren't actually law enforcement. Law enforcement calls a family member or social services to take physical custody of kids in a situation like this.

She sounds like somebody's old timey Midwestern grandma, too. Guess they couldn't do anything about her vocal cords.

I'm convinced the people who complain about stuff like this are only paying about 5% attention to any of these media at any given time. It hasn't changed, you just haven't been listening at all 🤷

Why stop there? Let's open up Arkham Asylum, too /s

I haven't had to buy gas since I bought my EV last February, and even I have my finger more on the pulse than that

I was made to recite the pledge of allergiance every weekday for 9 years (I went to an international school for 3), and I bet MAGA Gollum would still call me a Communist

What gave it away?