The RedRoach

Thank you baby jesus

Amen

i was radicalized by the pronunciation of "yacht" and the people who own them

If Netflix decide to make a series out of the Sheringham Bus Shelter demolition saga, I'm putting myself forward as 'exasperated man standing outside the Chinese directly opposite and shaking his head'

a close up of a young man 's face with headphones on . Alt: "I learned it from watching you!"

Every now again someone tries to diss me by calling out my style of humor as "millennial" and I get indignant, SIR, I am Gen-X, the millennials got their humor from watching me

The Texans have the defense the Steelers thought they had.

The Texans defense is terrifying.
It's good enough till they dial it up to 11.

It's like watching 11 methed out honey badgers playing football. They are literally fighting each other to see who gets to eat someone's face on the opposing team.

Drizzle with olive oil.
Salt, pepper, grated Parmesan

Roast on a baking sheet, 400 f for 25 to 30 minutes

A toddler can sprint across the yard naked, holding a popsicle sideways, yelling at a squirrel & everyone laughs, I do it & suddenly I’m the nutcase. This is bullshit

For those still following the Sheringham Bus Shelter saga, we are currently on Day 8.

Yes, I know.

Like some weird Bus Swampy Advent Calendar.

If you ground her up and put her in pills, she would be the anti-boner medicine.

You aren't wrong

Amen!!

Step 1. Get off your ass

Lonely guys:

Channel your loneliness into bettering yourself.

Study a language, hit the gym, take piano lessons, learn how to cook - or knit. Anything but whining about how you're owed companionship or blaming Women for your feelings.

You'll start feeling better right away.

#ActLikeAMan

After years of lying to my wife, I finally admitted that I’d never seen Gaslight.

Or did I?

There's an episode in Blackadder 3 where Edmond uses made-up words to convince Samual Johnson that he's missed stuff from his dictionary. I have been using these same words in work meetings and reports for decades without ever being challenged on their authenticity.

Nature is crazy.

Does Disney buy Netflix now?

I'm a real asshole.
I can be entertaining.
I make people laugh.
People enjoy being around me most of the time.
I have friends I made when I was 14.
Definitely not most people's cup of tea.

Trump would burn the world to ash to be liked just 1% as much as I am.

'Vampire Squid From Hell' Reveals The Ancient Origins of Octopuses The elusive 'vampire squid from hell' has just yielded the largest cephalopod genome ever sequenced, a monster clocking in at more than 11 billion base pairs – more than twice as large as the biggest ...

Ladies and gentlemen - the Vampire Squid from Hell. 🫣

www.sciencealert.com/vampire-squi...

i just want a democratic party that treats republicans the way republicans treat democrats.

and i want them to be transparent about it. "we will be nicer as soon as you are. your move, asshole."

A kitten on a chair holds another kitten by one leg as they dangle from the chair.

"Say it!"
"No!"
"Say it, Hans."
"My name's not Hans!"
"I WILL drop you."
“Fine, okay, you win!”
“I need to hear you say it.”
"Die Hard is a Christmas movie!"

BlueSky is like a psych ward w no staff- I luv that for us

it's so funny that Games Workshop went in twenty years from a company that made games you got beaten up in middle school for enjoying to now being the 67th most valuable company in the United Kingdom

incredible victory for kids who spent ages 11+ with a crust of super glue on their fingertips

I have not wanted to decorate for any holiday for almost 3 years.
My wife was the decorator. Every single holiday for the US and Mexico she’d adorn the house with things. It was awesome and beautiful.
Thinking this year I’ll decorate for Christmas.
Te amo mi amour.
I miss you so much.

ICE thought Minneapolis would fold. Instead, a police chief lit a flare bright enough to burn D.C.’s eyebrows.🔥👇
www.jackhopkinsnow.com

"Yippee Ki-Yay, motherfucker,"

Yep, the missus chuckled audibly when she heard it

She likes this movie, but won't admit it

I feel his suffering.
Christmas decorations are going up tonight. I am on call to make runs for batteries, light fuses, and tiny suction cups as needed

It's a 30 minute round trip, but it's better than having the missus hate me

We are doing Christmas decorations tonight.
The missus wanted to put "White Christmas" on. It's her Christmas movie.

I refused. No Christmas Movies till "Die Hard" is watched.

Guess what's playing in the background while we decorate?