Mary Elizabeth🌙✨

RFK Jr looks like an old leather boot stuffed with expired deli meat. But that's not what makes him a trash human: the guy swims in raw sewage and eats roadkill, but says vaccines and SSRIs are evil. The day his soul is uploaded to the hellfire cloud will be a great day for the universe indeed.

Here are the Top 5 Dogs of the week!

Therapy is not enough: I need the Tolkien estate to sue Peter Thiel within an inch of his life. The guy really read Lord of the Rings and his take away was that Sauron was his role model. "Wow a cursed crystal ball that spies on everyone? Maybe I can make one and somehow profit!"

About ready to make a Faustian type deal with some Eldritch horrors if it stops this nonsense I tell ya what.

Skid mark in chief looks like an Arby's beef and cheddar that was left outside in the middle of July for a week straight and then stuck back in the freezer. Throw him in the trash ffs.

Been praying to the gods of cholesterol to hurry up and upload the orange one's soul to the afterlife punishment cloud please and thanks

Maybe I wasn’t clear about this. I wanted more egg and no plane crash, not many plane crash and no egg.

but this is good.

so far going anti-woke leads to less money and planes falling out of the sky

The only plane I want to crash is one that has Cheeto Mussolini and his whole cabinet on it. But the crew makes it unharmed

Has anyone tried saying that Cheeto Mussolini is a B0eing whistleblower yet? 🤔 Asking for a friend

Idk if you're a Costco member, but I got my mattress from there and it has been WONDERFUL! my back feels so much better! And it was pretty reasonably priced!

Omg this is perfection! ❤️

Wooooow this is a horrible take. If only it were so simple. I hope this tanks her career.

Make N@zis Extinct Again

Also I need democracy to not completely crumble in the US at least until I see Wicked Part 2 oof

Alright listen up guys: I know current events are a disaster but I want to remind you all that we can't give up and we have to outlive Cheeto Mussolini, Mitch McConnell and all the other crusty degenerates that call themselves politicians.

Love ya buddy 🫂

Oh no! Glad she's ok! That's scary! But glad it was good overall 😊

I hope that in Wicked Part 2 we get to see the house fall on Nessa Rose in real time because she is RUDE.

Yessss LFG 🔥🔥🔥

Yes please!

I am full of rage and this is the best way I can cope lol

"No, no Elon. I didn't hit you with my car. I bumped you with my ✨Roman Chariot✨".

Therapy is not enough: I need to fist fight politicians and oligarchs in a Waffle House parking lot while Lose Control by Missy Elliot is blasted out of a subwoofer of a 2002 Pontiac Grand Am after I've had a few cold ones in me.