Morgan Phillips

With these prices, why not just get an iPad? Honest question.

Love Is Blind season 9 was excruciating, but I held out hope that at least they’d address that one guy’s (internalized) homophobia. Then… nothing. He literally said gay teens don’t exist, it’s just peer pressure at school. I understand not outing him on the reunion special, but… push back, at least?

If this same list was generated by AI it’d be used as compelling evidence that AI doesn’t actually understand humor

Truly funny people don’t NEED an A.I. to go up to someone at a party and do an epic vulgar roast of their physical appearance, getting exponentially more vulgar with each insult, using forbidden words. It’s called being a cool funny HUMAN that definitely gets invited to parties by other humans a lot

He crushes on Mars tho

Okay but hear me out, what if you thought the success of the movie would ultimately determine if we could make Avatar Planet real or not, and then we could fly around or whatever with the blue folk

“Potentially” 🤯

Nobody ever talks about that terrible moment Trump found out the truth about Epstein and thought “If only I’d known sooner that this man I partied with was a monster, perhaps I could have done something to stop more girls from being hurt!”

Why is that??? 🤔

“After President Trump correctly said we should be tried and [redacted] for sedition we realized there was a SERIOUS typo in our statement, we meant to say that U.S. soldiers *should* follow illegal orders! To apologize we will now be openly bribing the President with giant sacks of gold

Literally saying it’s cool for soldiers to rely on “I was just following orders”

TIL nothing

Experts say that my efforts to claim that I am Napoleon Bonaparte are misleading

If you include all the titles I want to see that are on Kanopy but not MY library’s Kanopy, I will repeatedly kiss my phone screen

If I was forced to release a huge trove of documents that incriminated me, I’d add 10 forgeries, including one that accused me of something demonstrably false. Then I’d hold that document up in the air and say, “SEE??? Fake news! Oh, and look! These other 3 are also fake! Oh! And now 6 more???”

Cool, so reporters can call him piggy?

RFK Jr. told him tartar sauce cures neurosyphilis

Folks, we may have to allow him to believe he’s invented universal healthcare. And possibly call it Trumpcare. 😬

If only there was a way to bypass the insurance companies! 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

PROVE that you and your children require food

Uh… then what is the thing on the brain scan that they thought was a worm? 😬

I think I figured out the plan, I think it’s a smart move.

MSNBC
MS NOW
???
???
MADDOW

Can’t see the new name without thinking “Okay Ms. Now, go off!”

AND MANY OF THOSE HOUSES HAD INNOCENT UNTOUCHED COUCHES IN THEM 😨😨😨

Does it turn out that Yotei was alive the whole time

Hey, remember when they found out the prison cameras didn’t actually prove he killed himself? Do you remember that? Do we remember that? That was a thing, right? That happened? Like, it was on the news and everything?

At first I was worried he was doing a Movember Moustache and all the people mocking him would feel bad, but upon further reflection a thing like that would bring more attention to the cause, so ethically speaking we kind of HAVE to mock him

Fixed it for you:

I will not support the Republican bill that’s on the Senate floor because it fails to do anything of substance to fix America’s healthcare crisis. 😉

I don’t usually buy into conspiracy theories, but it really seems like most of what’s going on in America these days is controlled from behind the scenes by Big Guillotine

When Daddy finally comes back home he’s going to take us to the circus, and then buy us an Xbox! For real this time!