Sarah Hayden

😮😮😮 anxiety is AI, generative slop based on my previous feelings with none of the context that created those feelings in the first place and no way to ever create something truly new

this is especially funny because I feel like she’s often made it a point to brag about how smart she is, and then like… THIS is the best crime you can muster?? have the self respect to do some front business money laundering at LEAST!

funniest thing that could happen today is them trying to federally ban blow up costumes 3 weeks before Halloween

My only note is that the sign should really be a singular plural, FROG TOGETHER STRONG, to fully mimic ape together strong but other than that GO FORTH, PONDRADES

TWIST: Josh goes, and it reminds everyone that Josh exists

I broke up with my therapist, maybe forever, we’ll see, at least taking a break - and I felt extremely vindicated in this decision when I said something about Florida and she said “what’s so bad about Florida” and I simply left my body

James is recovering from sedation, as she is a maniac at the vet and needs to be sedated, and it’s such a marked difference between her high and meoward high - Meoward was a munchies goof-around machine who couldn’t sit still and my good bitch James is just staring at the wall, existentially

Jesus, republicans stop thinking and talking about baby genitals for one second challenge

wow, the vet is actually reimbursing me for Meoward’s unused services this year (it’s essentially a treatment pre-payment plan) which I had assumed was money burned - thank you, sweet angel Meoward, for giving me the cat version of a tax return, ya mensch

screenshot of a post reading "Kash Patel: 1 in 5 Chicagoans is in a gang. Reality: 1 in 5 Chicagoans is in an improv troupe."

NO LIES DETECTED

This is actually how I approach all shows at the ahmanson - going in with barely a logline - and sometimes it’s incredible and sometimes it’s very much not, but you know, those tickets are like thirty bucks so who cares, lol

right, they love to say “accountability” as a buzzword with no concept of what that means in a healthy friendship! I would be so mortified to bring up being a good friend, even if someone wrote it as a compliment on my gravestone my ghost would walk the earth with unfinished business

I tell ya, it is a nice change to be able to be too depressed to do anything, but outside, can I offer you a nice breeze with your frozen in time and space, madam

I feel like “I’m a great friend” is the bravo universe version of “I’m a nice guy” where anybody who feels the need to say it is intrinsically the opposite

yesssss, the little weirdos that say mare-ee-oh despite also being surrounded by Italians, lol

in a weird little belt of NJ and PA: Mario in Mario Brothers

A picture from the 80s of my first cats as kittens before I was born - an orange tabby named Fellini and a gray and white cat named Cologne. In the photo, they’re goofing around and pawing at a train set, lol

My dad sent along this pic of the first cats in my life and I told him how the antivax crowd doesn’t want their pets to get autism from vaccines and the internet joke that you’d only know if your pets had autism if they got really into trains - he really laughed in context of this pic, lol

Your next what! YOUR NEXT WHAAAAAAAAT!

like are they worried that I, the knowing and willing consumer of a lunchable, would find a circular cheese too unnatural

A lunchables with round oreos, round crackers, rounds ham, and rectangular cheese

I just feel like if making lunchables was my whole job, just churning out little ham sams where 3/4ths of the meal are circles, maybe I would put a little elbow grease into also rounding the one rectangle made out of entirely malleable cheese product into a circle

this is me the one time I had to take a biology final in college as a film student, lol

They’d be able to light a fire off my head if I had lost my family and/or pet and/or home in the fires because of some ChatGPT obsessed piece of shit

my main takeaway is that I don’t think Bring Her Back went as hard as Talk To Me because there was a protagonist maturity difference - a mother who has lost a child wouldn’t go as hard as a child who lost a mother because of the lifetime of experience that’s mutated childhood rage into adult despair

I watched BRING HER BACK, and then I didn’t looooove it so I watched TALK TO ME, which I did like a lot more and which, strangely, made me retroactively like BRING HER BACK more - not to be a damn nerd but I think they’re in conversation and both need to be watched to bring context to each other!

I just personally think if you are in a creative field embracing this bullshit you should be put into a burlap sack and beaten with real scripts. Real scripts with brads.

My calico cat, James, and I are on the back patio, looking at the driveway/walkway area of the backyard, where two crows and a squirrel are eating birdseed and obviously mourning my recently departed tuxedo cat, Meoward

The crows that so tormented Meoward in life have come to pay their respects in death, he would be so touched and fucking terrified

watching a squirrel in my backyard dig up old rocks that he buried, admire them, and then bury them back up in new holes over and over - these dopes and their rock obsession, it’s the goofiest thing

My calico cat, James, curled up asleep on a covered outside arm chair, with some green leaves and dappled ass light behind her :)

We are on hour five of this bitch sleeping in this chair while she cosplays as an outside cat

These guys are so vulnerable to defecting to Chicago

I absolutely love getting invited to weddings and I’ve pulled off one of my greatest invites yet - my second family wedding of a family I am not actually in! If I play this wedding right and befriend some cousins, I can turn this into a hat trick