John (#1 Old Man Ho Ho fan)

If I saw some old dude chasing a kid I'd assume tripping him is the upstanding thing to do

"Yeah, so then I was chasing this child, and I tripped and scraped my face on the pavement for a full second. Yes, one thousand milliseconds"

What the fuck even is the point of a sexual chatbot? "Computer, tell me about your boobs." Yeah, no thanks

Gonna write a Hunger Games fanfic that's a one-to-one retelling except Katniss eats everyone she kills

Old Man Ho Ho from The Wind Waker

Always on the lookout for this guy

Oliver Hardy ventriloquist dummy

Give him a little mustache and he'd pass for this Hardy puppet

This is why Melville added the Steelkilt chapter to Moby-Dick. Needed another boat story in his boat story

Homestar Runner

Geologist, looking at basalt: "The lava is floor!"

Hard at work on a project that will disrupt Hollywood and the film industry writ large: a version of Tilly Norwood with 15% bigger boobs

A Sonic OC I found on google images. It's a blue and white hedgehog with electricity powers called Lucas

An AI actor I invented. If you want to put him in your movie you have to pay me $1 million #donotsteal

Rivian has gotta be the car company that sounds the most like a sex toy

This is why we fund scientists to study things like oyster slobber even if you don’t think it sounds important

All of them basically lining up behind the cyclist to chase him instead of heading him off is like how movie henchmen take turns fighting the hero

Gonna raise my kids in a Dogtooth-style scenario where there's no Pokémon games after Gen III

Solving the trolley problem by wanting it to hit those people

Facebook post from Amber Jones Robinson, December 25, 2013: "Almost forgot Tyler! He can totally avoid us now that he got all of the chili dog accessories he's been wanting [smiling emoji]." Accompanying is a photo of a kid in a somewhat crude Sonic the Hedgehog costume going to town on a chili dog.

So sad to see

Beat to shit Chrysler minivan with a bunch of right wing bumper stickers and a license place that reads, "MAGAVAN"

Saw the Magavan the other night. What a specimen!

Getting into hip hop recently...

🎵You can Venmo this / or you can Venmo that / you can Venmo this / or you can Venmo that 🎵

Are you stupid

Thomas the Tank Engine looking angry or determined

Mfw the path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails, whereon my soul is grooved to run

Rep. Nancy Mace @RepNancyMace We know Charlie Kirk would want us to pray for such an evil, and lost individual like Tyler Robinson to find Jesus Christ. We will try to do the same.

guys, we have a tone shift

"This is the excuse they'll use to _____!!!"

An anchor on the largest news network in the country was calling for mass "involuntary lethal injection" of mentally ill people *this morning*

If Kirk getting shot is the reason you're just now taking this seriously, that says a lot about you.

These are the people who raised over a million dollars for Kyle Rittenhouses legal defense, legalized running over protestors, encouraged bathroom vigilantes, demand that children get genital inspections to participate in sports, and kill pregnant women, I don't want to hear about political violence

A fella can't even devote his entire life to making the world a worse place without getting shot in the neck these days...

a cartoon character is standing in front of a post office building Alt: Animal Crossing GCN: player character steps out of the post office, does a little dance and fist pump, and shouts, "YESSSSS!!! I've paid off all of my loan! I'm completely debt-free!"

gotta do this

I sincerely hope Newsom's weird fans and liberals at large are starting to understand why you can't budge a single solitary inch on a single solitary issue for a single solitary marginalized group.

I am so sorry, Eslam. I have no words

Everyone always asks what spoke Zarathustra and never how felt Zarathustra 🫤

Someone saying, of Trump's admission that he wants to bring peace to Ukraine so he can get into heaven: "While this is a heretic's understanding of Christianity, perhaps we should want presidents to think this way."

People debating the theological merits of this are really missing the point that this is the funniest thing Trump had said or done this year