Claim: Mamdani is a communist. False: Any real communist will happily spend six hours explaining why this isn’t true.

Fact-Checking Claims About Zohran Mamdani https://theonion.com/fact-checking-claims-about-zohran-mamdani/

Please stop falling for the MTG is a new person con.

Please.

I used to say this trial was a waste of taxpayer dollars, but I think it’s totally worth it.

Since when did the Discover tab get flooded with such questionable content? I like Bluesky, but it needs more moderation and better privacy settings.

Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world,... I feel like I can't take it. And my heart is just going to cave in.

I really need all of us to abandon any impostor syndrome. It’s time.

I’m Diana From Anne of Green Gables and I am Fucking Drunk Holy shit holy shit holy shit. That cordial was cor-dialllll, right, Anne? Anne? ANNE! ANNNNNEEEEEEE! Hahahahah, oh my god, I’m just here like scre...

"Oh my god, it’s like… WHOA, you know? Ugh, where is all the DICK! I’m so horny I’d fuck Fred—what’s his name? The pink-faced one? He’s like, ugly hot, you know? Like, you hate yourself, but that’s part of it."

I miss worrying about things that were never going to happen

Big I hate Obamacare but the ACA saved my life energy

Well don't I feel stupid

America: Epstein files

Trump: Jimmy Kimmel

America: Epstein files

Trump: James Comey

America: Epstein files

Trump: how about Amelia Earhart

you probably need to be of a certain vintage to understand the absolute hilarity of ken starr being in the epstein files

Defund the Supreme Court.

It’s kind of surreal that people on the left are losing their accounts and some even their jobs for being rude or snarky right now while people on the right are openly calling for blood.

"What were those beliefs!!!"

TIP FOR CONSERVATIVES:

If you are bereft over the gun shooting of Charlie Kirk, just pretend he was a kid in an elementary school, and you will forget about the whole thing within a minute.

I ignored the murder of Melissa Hortman. Here’s why I’ll be talking about the murder of Charlie Kirk all day today.

by most liberal pundits

It is weird that the assassination of essentially a celebrity influencer is a bigger deal than the shooting of two top state legislators + their spouses

I prefer this

ME: I feel like I’m starting to spiral

THERAPIST: well, we’ve talked about the five steps you should take to…

ME: I know I know. Find one thing I can pet, one book I can buy, one dumpling I can eat, one leg I can shake, and one season of Murder She Wrote I can binge

THERAPIST: what

when president garfield was dying, they shoved a bunch of stuff up his butt in the hopes it would save him. it didn't work, in fact it definitely killed him quicker. but if any white house guys are reading this: you're the chosen one, you can make it work

i find this image so fascinating. it is both a literal example of authoritarianism but also a second-hand reproduction of the aesthetics of other authoritarian states. it's like a simulacra of authoritarianism whose purpose is to attempt to make the simulacra real.

So, no national guard on January 6th, but definitely on August 11th. Makes total sense.

Dave Matthews Band Apologizes After Tour Bus Dumps Another 800 Pounds Of Human Shit Onto Same Boat Full Of People

Dave Matthews Band Apologizes After Tour Bus Dumps Another 800 Pounds Of Human Shit Onto Same Boat Full Of People theonion.com/dave-ma...

It drives Jonathan Turley crazy when I remind everyone that he is just Mike Lindell with tenure. So, please make sure not to amplify this message.👇

Jonathan Turley is just Mike Lindell with tenure.

slurpee machine with one crashed screen

I'm drinking the Bios Crash slurpee I hope it crashes my bios I hope I blue screen

I happily never voted for him when I lived in the city of Chicago. I'm still very proud of that. I hated when he was campaigning and stood in front of the CTA turnstiles during rush hour for a stupid handshake.

Anybody else sniff and inspect your supposedly "new" Amazon item since it clearly looks like a return? I hate that you can't trust Amazon to sell you something new anymore.

I just found out my countertops are slate.

I've been taking them for granite this whole time

These F*ckers Are Trying to Break You, Good People. Don't Let Them. (Note: If course language offends you, please don’t read or listen to this piece.

The exhaustion you feel right now?
The heavy sadness that you can’t seem to shake?
The sense of dread that hovers over you like a drone?
The scalding rage bubbling just beneath the surface?
This is all by design.
This is these f*ckers’ master plan…

johnpavlovitz.substack.com/p/these-fcke...