Cath...

A partial list of cities my mother in law has heard have a lot of crime:
Chicago
New York City
Seattle
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania

Seriously! You knew what I was when you picked me up etc

On the one hand it would be fun to see how the menswear guy would roast me. But on the other, more important hand, it would obviously destroy me

Literally! You only get out based on what you put in. It's modern day Narcissus.

I think the best book to give a young reader is the book you think *they* are going to genuinely like. With fiction, I firmly believe focusing on reading great books is less important than becoming a person who thinks of reading as pleasurable.

I generally prefer a small bowl of the crispiest tots in the batch, but the important thing is he is correctly paying tribute

Noooo I'm going to move there

Having bought raw local honey at eyewatering prices, you could probably sell it and make your money back

In our house we call him the "less-bad" billionaire, because there's no such thing as a good one. And then he goes and proves it lol

That's good to know, because I felt like everyone liked The Truth According to Ember waaaay more than I did

A mirror selfie of the back of my head. The top layer of my ponytail is royal blue. The shower curtain is from the Target pillow fort collection from several years ago.

Husband: What happened to the rug
Me, quietly: mistakes were made
H: Did the mistakes have anything to do with your hair?
The hair:

(For the record, I got it all out, you'd never know what part of our six dollar IKEA rug had a huge flop of dye on it)

Periods should be banned in summer. Like I'm not miserable enough?? Insult to injury.

I am hissing "WHAT" on your behalf

Trying to program my kid by explaining astrological signs. "this says capricorns are hard working, diligent, and always willing to take on additional responsibilities!"

He is currently satisfied (ha) with Never Been Shipped. But I did just see the ebook of Mistakes Were Made is on sale! That one wastes no time, either 🥵

Laundry price listing from a Radisson hotel.

I always marvel at the prices when I steal the bags for my dirty laundry. In this day and age, probably thirty bucks for those two items, although I did find some price lists with an image search.

We've unintentionally read so many closed door/fade to black books lately that my husband was like "can we read something with spice???"

I deserve to be in a baseball group chat with people who were allowed to watch the Simpsons growing up and therefore appreciate my "No hustle either, Skip" contributions.

How do you even prove a negative?

It's very specifically spite + laziness for me lol

Gotta respect the fans booing the owners, even during Ichiro's number retirement ceremony

"PhD-level experts in your back pocket" is a completely nonsensical description of AI but a pretty good description of social media if you follow the right people

The noblest reason

The stakes are so much lower this way! And then when you master it, you get a handful of candy!!

I do think you'll probably be happier in the end, and I know it's kind of part for the course, but that is still just so wild

Congrats, I guess

A blue "sharing size" bag of m&m minis.

The entire family can now swallow pills. It took approximately 90 seconds instruction and practice.

The tampon aisle in my store is also the shampoo aisle. By their logic the fellas have to circle around and can only access the back half, lest they breach the Sacred Women Zone

Right? "Man hovering at the end of the aisle, casting furtive glances" is way weirder than "man looking at the shelves, trying to find the One Right Box"

Yeah, because I started watching the game in the top of the 8th!!