toby "the cat"

Al gore is pissed off and I’m here for it

Yes, I fell for the "Got your nose" trick, but that shouldn't distract us from the real issue of nose theft in our society

What a world, now I’m rooting for the ChiComs and for fucking Harvard

My 100th birthday... in prison? - This is abuse.

"it's nine o'clock somewhere!"

-me, strolling into work at 2pm

nate bronze delivering another... what's the opposite of a banger?

Can’t stress enough if you plan to attend a protests, turn your phone off miles from the site & don’t turn it back on until you’re miles away. Go ahead and buy a faraday bag. It’s not crazy.

So we beat on, boys against the milkshake, borne back ceaselessly into the yard

oh yeah, people are switching over to here.

i suppose i should actually start using it.

prepare for a stream of consciousness that makes little to no sense.

trans day of visibility implies that, 364 days out of the year, trans people have the ability to disappear before our very eyes, and lose this power for 24 hours on march 31st.

I bought a c.1999 laptop with decent speakers, and proceeded to use it as an excuse to stock up on CDs again.

WinAMP remains pretty cool.

richard nixon in hell acting like a dog in a viral video whose soldier owner just came home.

right? i’d rather kids read the worst smut than a single page of ayn rand

Screenshot from indictment, bolded, underlined, and italicized: "The Three New Jersey Businessmen"

the name of my band

A small package of cannabis featuring Sonic the Hedgehog, with the label "Medical use only."

this is glorious. "what's copyright? no idea dude, i just want sonic on our medical marijuana bags."

Oh so now it’s illegal to be curious about the value of a brick of gold?

Listen to _We're Safety Now Haven't We: Volume 1_ out now: https://www.cpsc.gov/music00:00 - Protect Ya Noggin'02:33 - Phone Away06:42 - Se Pon Caliente09:39... We're Safety Now Haven't We - Full Album

Hot new US Product Safety Commission album just dropped.

youtu.be/gozH72CON5s?...

Cap'n Crunch's "Oops! All Hypodermic Needles!" cereal is the subject of a major FDA recall, over concerns of possible foreign object adulteration.

Dana Perino’s famous queso

This meal just cost me $78 at Newark Airport. This is why Americans think the economy is terrible.

much like the titanic had ten movies made about it, one of which was an anti-british nazi propaganda film from 1943, hunter will have many biopics of varying quality.

If I ever meet Gary Cole (Office Space, The West Wing), I'm gonna tell him that I loved him as Arnold on Diff'rent Strokes.

In Levira, Portugal, last week a winery storage tank burst, flooding the town with 2.2 million liters of red wine.

Rumor has it that the Portuguese government has contracted with a little-known American company called JustACat Inc. to conduct the cleanup using a new method called "drinking it all."

Oh so NOW apparently “GETTING PAID” is more important to lawyers than “GETTING YOUR CLIENT OUT OF A LONG SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE MISUNDERSTANDINGS.”

Young man-- there's no need to feel down
I said young man-- Pagliacci's in town
You can go there-- see the world's greatest clown
Now why do- you- wince- so sadly?