Alicia Keys

Make blowjobs great again

Bach, you have to stop. Your clavier is too well-tempered. Your concertos too Brandenburg. They’ll kill you

seeing how many people show up in jeffery epstein's emails makes me happy i never reply to anyone's email

Life is good when the Ween cover band DM's you to let you know they're playing a show.

But far beneath this wondrous world upon the surface, another and still stranger world met our eyes as we gazed over the side.

Blippi gives me the chills

(bene gesserit voice) put more sauce packets in the bag

Ya

Fuck all of you for getting my hopes up after a very stressful week. Let me know when it does happen.

Sorry babe, Harry Nilsson stays on during sex 🎵🎶

I'm late but @mobydickatsea.bsky.social

If Rosie O'Donnell can tweet on Ambien, I can send emails on salvia.

I need beans and I need weed. Everything else is epiphenomenal

Resisting the urge to take a nap in the bathroom stall

No, I will not go to Costco sober

The sea and the drama of it all

Can't listen to Moby Dick on tape anymore since I threw up after trying trying to fall asleep to it while drunk.

Passively expecting my good behaviors to take over any day now

It's turbo time

The War on Drugs, but (in Emerill Lagasse voice), let's kick it up a notch.

That is a nice mushroom

if bagels can have everything so can i

The Georgia Straight is a treasure

Telling my doctor I have blurry vision and headaches and also lost my glasses.

Honk, mimimimimimi

How many chucks would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood

Goals

Maybe my friend's baby will come early so I can still attend the Viagra Boys concert

I'm entering waxing chicharrón phase