Lance

If at any point between 1999 and 2005 you blurted out a ridiculous "WAZZZZZZUUUP!!!", you have forfeited your right to complain about kids shouting "6-7!!!" now.

I want a girl with a short skirt and a lonnnnnnnnnnng john silver's gift card

A grey blue washed image of a bearded young ish white guy looking into the mirror all serious with his palm pressed against it. A serif font title reads: DID I JUST ARGUE WITH A JOKE? A semi opaque navy snoot near the bottom bears the bluesky logo and the text PART OF A BLUESKY EDUCATIONAL SERIES

Kate Spade New York website listing for a ring. The ring is yellow gold and has a hot dog on a bun with mustard out of metal and gems on top

Propose to me with the Kate Spade Glitz Glizzy ring or not at all

Mailer that reads: Molly, Seasons may change, but the need for blood is constant.

slightly ominous mailer from the Red Cross

working up "democrats must embrace war mindset" rn, but one of my beliefs is this: dooming is itself a reaction to the fear of responsibility. if all is lost and nothing matters then you can't be criticized for your choices. it's not "cold eyed reason." it's an easy escape. comforting

As a man in my mid-40s, my number one goal on social media is to never appear as a "mutual connection" for any fake/scam account sending out mass friend requests using a thirst trap profile picture.

If you want a picture of the future, imagine a joke posted online and broadcast to the audiences most likely to angrily misinterpret it—forever.

When you give me the repertory keys

"I'll be the first to admit that, in 2011, I was too easily won over by the story continuity that LMFAO put into their music videos..." I say, unable to finish my sentence over the roar of mocking laughter from the crowd.

YouTube video by SabrinaCarpenterVEVO Sabrina Carpenter - House Tour (Official Lyric Video)

Yeah, this is a jam right here. youtu.be/lwxAovpSLh8

A decade from now, we’re gonna recognize that The Big Short broke a lot of people’s brains in relation to finance the same kinda way The West Wing broke people’s brains in relation to politics.

An adorable raccoon.

Just bought all four books in the “John Dies at the End” series, set to be delivered this Saturday. Gonna have myself an interesting Labor Day weekend.

This motherfucker right here. [complimentary]

"Dakota Johnson Brings Her Sleek Minimalism to the Red Carpet" - Well good for her!

Hrm… This is troubling. I had an important email in my Gmail account that seems to have completely vanished. It’s not in “All Mail”. It’s not in the Trash. It’s not in Spam. I didn’t permanently delete it. It’s just…not there anymore.

A jira add on something that can easily hit you in the crotch or kick you in the ass. 10/10, no notes.

An adorable raccoon.

YouTube video by The Elephant Graveyard How Comedy Was Destroyed by an Anti-Reality Doomsday Cult

This is the best breakdown I've ever seen of how comedy in my home town of Austin got ruined. youtu.be/ewvRS3NwIlQ

Eagerly awaiting the video essays that will hit the internet once zoomers discover the whole Charlie Sheen "Tiger Blood" era.

Taylor Swift is a jam band.
She:
Plays 3-hour shows
Has a hit 10-plus minute song
Has a in-jokes for hardcore fans
Has fans travel thousands of miles to see her
Plays multi-night runs at the same venue
Has fans hang out before show, selling bootleg merch
Impresses two bearded middle aged podcasters

GG Allin Turing (@dubsteppenwolf) on twitter: "tired of "your feelings are valid" discourse. sometimes my feelings are dumber than dogshit and I have a responsibility to get a grip."

"If the computer seems smart, you're dumb."

Probably not a good sign about the state of the world that I’ve memorized the specific route I need to take to drive home when the cops have closed off the roads because someone in a mental health crisis is threatening to jump off the overpass.

imagine being the night watchman here

Feels like a lot of the legacy media pieces about the inherent conflict between men and women are actually about how it’s really hard to date if you’re a straight woman in a particular literary Brooklyn world where there are approximately 3 non-polyamorous single straight men

Probing the psychology of a superhero is about as useful as probing the psychology of an imaginary friend.

Comicbook fans have been pretty bad about spending a lot of time focusing on questions ("What if Superman had to kill to save lives?", "Is Batman just as crazy as the Joker?", etc) that ignore the genuine truth: These are all just stories.

Saw the new Superman film. Something that came to mind (contrasting to 2013's Man of Steel) was Dan Olson's video on the Thermian Argument.

You can put Superman in an impossible situation where he absolutely has to kill, but if you do that you're probably telling a bad Superman story.