Jonster Mash

ɹɐǝꓭ

Super handy working at an urgent care when my quarterly labs are due.

Oh shit I'm going to be expected to participate in Christmas again aren't I...

They're called WINTER squash for a reason.

🚫 NO DMS 🚫 NO CRYPTO 🚫 NO TELLING ME THAT SOMETHING IS "BOFA" 🚫 NO SLEIGHT OF HAND TO MAKE IT APPEAR AS THOUGH YOU HAVE PULLED A QUARTER OUT OF MY EAR 🚫 NO PRETENDING TO HAVE "GOTTEN MY NOSE" 🚫 NO ASKING ME "PETE AND RE-PEAT WERE IN A BOAT, PETE FELL OUT, WHO WAS LEFT" 🚫

Happy Birthday!

It's okay to ask for help if you need it.

***This only applies to other people. I have to be able to do everything perfectly, alone, on the first try, and if I'm not successful it's a moral failing on my part.

It is 4:30 and my alarm goes off at 6:00. At what point do I just give up and start the day?

Everyone is laughing and making jokes, but as a plane expert I just want to let you all know that planes only do that when they're very sick or in grave distress.

All this AND I just noticed I put my underwear on backwards. Fuck it, I'm calling a do-over on today.

Between this, a general feeling of "might cry at any moment for no reason" and the fact that someone pulled up to my neighbor's house at four in the morning and laid on the horn for a full 30 minutes, I'm not doing so hot today.

TV show with real-time pacing a-la 24 or The Pitt about a down-on-his-luck werewolf desperately looking for a safe place to lock himself up before nightfall

My cat killed a mouse last night and disposing of the remains threw off my morning routine so much that I forgot to take my meds, so now I get to [insert word that isn't as gross as "raw dog" but conveys the same meaning here] my 12 hour shift.

Yaay...

Just once I wish Jan Brady whipped out a "You're not my real dad, MIKE!"

It never sat right with me that Carol Brady's daughters all took Mike's last name when she got married.

I always misplace my hearing protection in the workshop because they're all black. Legit thinking about getting some brightly colored kittycat ears for them, just to make them more visible.

I did all of the end-of-semester course reviews for Joel Stapleton at the University of Trinidad and Tobago for maybe three years running.

I CAN SMELL THE RADIATOR TURNED ON AND INSTINCTUALLY MY BRAIN STEM SAID RELEASE THAT SHIT AND THE AUTUMN COZY NEUROCHEMICAL REACTION BEGINS

Someday "You know, *I* was one of the Portland protest frogs" will be used to chat someone up up in a bar. And it'll work.

I only wear watches when I dress up for special occasions, but I have become a little bit of a vintage Seiko collector.

A zombie Jon would probably eat your brains, if they weren't so shy.

🔗 picrew.me/en/image_mak...

Hey, how weird is it that Netflix used to work by mailing DVDs to people?

With the Rockin' Roller Coaster rebrand they should also remake the 1997 made for TV Tower of Terror movie featuring the Muppets, do a soft retheme of the ride, and make that whole end of Hollywood Studios a Muppets area.

Fish out of water sitcom set in the Star Trek universe about the Federation's first correspondent on Klingon morning show "Qapla Qo'noS!"

bro you look like you drop common items

By age 30, you should have at least (2) original characters, (3) pieces of media you love apologetically despite obvious flaws, and (1) kink that takes at least thirty seconds to explain

A time machine would be wasted on me because I would use it to ask someone fifty years ago WTF that one lightswitch in the living room is supposed to control.

Just realized a disproportionate number of my T-shirts are Pizza John shirts. What's one more... and a hair claw? #Pizzamas

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Sorry, I couldn't help myself.