In the bathroom with Lady Poop Fartington III right now

I'm just waiting for the Red Sox to make the world series. #IBleedRed #RedOx #SingleMom

Just had the best apple ever. You all wish you were me

If there’s a Guinness World Record for number of farts in a lifetime, I think I’m about to break it. #gassylassie

Just saw a woman take her mask down to cough. Can’t wait to be on the same train car as her. Commuting is truly the American Dream Come True.

It’s just me and my reusable bags against the world #mybags

Themsgiving

Just played God of War Ragnarok and that game RagnaROCKS. @ign.com hire me!
#lol #gow #puns

Had the best smoothie of my life, but unfortunately I can never buy it again, as it was ten dollars. Oh well *adjusts my beret and takes a drag off my cigarette* such is life.

They don’t let white girls derp around anymore. Because of woke.

Did you just write the song of the summer??

I’m going to need to talk to Big Ice Cream, because why is a sundae $10 at every ice cream store you go to now? What am I, a millionaire?

I like to imagine the alternate version of you who joined a ska band and wears a beret in nyc

I love splitting a cig with a baby

What’s with this guy and horses?
#askingtherealquestions
#ishereallyahorse?
#horse #propaganda