In the bathroom with Lady Poop Fartington III right now

I'm just waiting for the Red Sox to make the world series. #IBleedRed #RedOx #SingleMom

Just had the best apple ever. You all wish you were me

In the club globing it, you know what I mean #GlobingIt

If there’s a Guinness World Record for number of farts in a lifetime, I think I’m about to break it. #gassylassie

Women be like "can we get ramen for dinner?"

Women love sushi. Japanese resturants have too much fish, ya know

Life is procedurally generated

It’s just me and my reusable bags against the world #mybags

Themsgiving

Just played God of War Ragnarok and that game RagnaROCKS. @ign.com hire me!
#lol #gow #puns

Had the best smoothie of my life, but unfortunately I can never buy it again, as it was ten dollars. Oh well *adjusts my beret and takes a drag off my cigarette* such is life.

College is a dungeon crawler

She jack on my lantern until I pumpkin

Hey women! I'm on your side. #ForthWave

They don’t let white girls derp around anymore. Because of woke.

Making music is easy

Aliens but they are not green but like blue or something
#Aliens

There is an alternate timeline not too far from my own where I joined a sketch comedy group. I like to think that alternate me is happy with their decision.
#SingleMom

baseball but at the end of the game they all kiss (basedball) #gay #woke #RedSox

I was eating dinner like a day or two ago, and I came up with a really funny post. But I forgot it. Oh well, entropy and the folly of man and all that.

Oh wait, here is one off the dome.

Death stranding, but instead of delivering packages, you are delivering leftist propaganda.

I want to become a salary man, but instead of going out for drinks after work, I just smoke with my baby son (he loves smoking)

I need to smoke! - Babies

#mySpongebob

Too liberal on here, need some others
#TooWoke

You hate me cuz you ain't me. #ProGamer

Thanks for the reply!!
#numberonefollower

What’s with this guy and horses?
#askingtherealquestions
#ishereallyahorse?
#horse #propaganda

They should do horse races but with people instead of horses, people race while horses watch.

Good news about new Mario Kart, it's soundtrack is still jazz fusion.