Briggs!

No I don’t want to “watch similar movies” on a streamer called crunchyroll!! 😠

“I fell asleep halfway through a movie last night.”
—person who describes baseball games to me in minute detail

Without doing any research whatsoever I’m very sure I’m the first person on the internet to make this joke and you’re very welcome.

Gotta say, you step away from your account on Elon Musk's X for a month, two months. Pop back for a peek, and that shit is algorithmically HONED, perfect. Every joke, every news tidbit, exactly what Briggsy wants. Your morning is SET.

My Overnight at a Psych Ward A 2025 insomnia story.

open.substack.com/pub/briggsha...

Spotted a cybertruck that was bubblegum pink. I feel that driver’s license renewal should depend on a mandatory psych evaluation.

Me, singing to the Christmas tune of Alvin & the Chipmunks “Me? I want a hoooo-la-hoooop.” :
“Me? I want a Su-ba-ru. Hurry, Santa, don’t be late…”

As history marches on, will there some day be an actor who doesn’t connect to Kevin Bacon within six degrees? And will that trigger the singularity? And did it already happen unbeknownst to us?

This is a wonderful tribute; a smart, deeply felt tribute—personal, perceptive, and worthy of Greenberg’s brilliance.

Rude of me to make these hasty snap judgments!

I’ve seen 96 of The NYT’s Top 100 21st C Films. Half the list is sus or wrong.

@blankcheck.bsky.social

“Sounds like something Mango would get up to… Mango.” — David with the gems under his breath. 😂 #Heckerling #Kattan #ICouldNeverBeYourWoman

(Walking outside the Family Swim & Rec Center, where I work out)
5yo Boy: Hi!
Me: Hello.
5yo Boy: I have a Pokemon water bottle!
4yo Girl: I have a - Elsa water bottle!!
Me: Cool! I have a regular water bottle, it's pretty good.

*(crickets)*

When Sebastian the crab reluctantly agrees to help the voiceless, newly-human Ariel, she kisses him and makes a small, audible, contented "mmm!" sound - a sound that could only be produced by vocal chords. So what the fuck are we even doing here?

😂 👏

How about a mini essay on the moments when Nathan Fielder breaks the 4th wall with direct camera glances. #TheRehearsal #HBO

Spring ‘25 has alllll the anniversaries.
20 years since I graduated @nuschoolofcomm.bsky.social …
15 years since I moved to L.A. …
And…

10 YEARS AGO TODAY! Wedding Videography aired! Written by @briggshatton.bsky.social and directed by Adam Davidson, and this is the only clip you need.

#OriginalAiring

I take long enough to gestate scripts that every single one becomes a period piece.

Far and away my biggest Mandela Effect - of which my sister-in-law made me pointedly aware this past Christmas - is I am SURE that the Pride & Prejudice moment Mr. Darcy does the carriage assist & hand flinch occurs in Jane Austen’s book… but apparently it’s ONLY in the Keira Knightley movie?? ! ? 🤯

Aniston

... and yelling "WE WERE ON A BREAK!"

I have an absolutely KILLER high-concept comedy script. But it hinges entirely on Paul Rudd playing old.

What’s even fuckin crazier is the reopened Alcatraz he’s technically declaring a foreign land. Filming “The Rock” (1996) would’ve been tariff’d up the wazoo.

I’d like to add that last year’s #Netflix #Ripley portrayed Freddie Myles as a wispy, androgynous, British kid. Like they so clearly felt the indomitable pull of P.S. Hoffman’s version, they wisely ran 180 fuckin degrees into an opposite characterization. #PhilipSeymourHoffman

“Another Simple Favor”?? uhhhh “A Simpler Favorer” was RIGHT there.

I’ve replaced coffee with the “One Battle After Another” trailer. That shit hits better than caffeine to start my day.

“Are you two in a fight right now??” — thing I like to ask couples when I pass by them on a hike

Is #Sinners great? Yes.
Is American life pummeling us with such an onslaught of daily dizzying misery that we cling to any shred of exciting-ness worth relishing?? Also yes.

It’s funny when colonizers are like depressed at their findings.