Imagine it's your first time seeing American Werewolf in London and you Google to see if any dogs die

You're telling me a corn beefed with this hash?

Taking a dump in a bathroom stall and finishing before the guy who was already in the stall next to you when you sat down has the same awkward feeling as being the first to turn in a test at school.

We all need to collectively stop going to Chili's so they are motivated to make a proper rewards program.

the Epstein debacle is a distraction from the droid attack on the wookies.

Some of the airpods y'all use look like Mentos in your ears

One must imagine Sisyphus bouncing on it crazy style

If Jimmy Dean can't create a breakfast sandwich that's compatible with microwaves, maybe they should create a microwave that's compatible with their sandwiches

This is every AITA post

I will be apply tariffs on all intrusive thoughts.

AOC: Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

Me: Attack of Clones

The Oblivion Crisis: Tamriel is leaderless and the hordes of Oblivion pour onto the landscape.
The Hero of Kvatch:

50 Cent said "get rich or die trying" and Im not dead yet so the check must be in the mail

Sobriety?
En esta economia?

happy Snyderverse fan day

I will also be reprising my roll in Avengers Doomsday

Allies on Trans Visibility day

It's one thing to keep getting AI calls but the fact that they have been taught how to leave voicemails is a crime.

They rubbed one out in the elevator

"We should use tile in bathrooms, it's waterproof"

"Sounds good, but isn't it also the most dangerous thing on earth when wet?"

"Well, yeah."

"Brilliant"

Something poetic about Abercrombie selling Goosebumps, Soundgarden, Iron Maiden shirts these days

Cohosted with Zachary Levy...
Oh no

So in the Be Our Guest scene of Beauty and the Beast, a chair sneaks up behind Belle and makes her sit down, but all the furniture and stuff are cursed humans, so she was sitting and dancing in some random dudes lap

@stevebrusatte.bsky.social
I've seen some criticism of the Jurassic Rebirth spino online. I feel like once we get a full look at the critter people will love it, but I was wondering how you feel about it's perceived chunkyness

*opens up Bluesky*
*Type out absurd take*
*Stare for a sec*
*Hit cancel*

Lips of An Angel by Hinder is just a guy talking to his best bud.

Skedaddle skedooty you're now thinking about booty

"this paint rack will organize my paints and have room for more"
He said, like an idiot

We all doing
Try to survive 2025?

Get your girl what she really wants for Valentine's Day