pine/blair

BACK IN BLACK!
I HIT THE SACK!

AHH fuck why did I do that Jesus Christ that hurt

Horrifying thank you

...

I love daytime on Halloween because 99% of the folk you see out and about are just doing their regular non-halloweeny things but then you get on the train turn round and there's a fuckin minion

It always starts with "I don't *actually* want to be a dog, I just want unconditional affection/easy instructions I am rewarded for following/head scritches & peanut butter/other logical Canine Source Of Envy" and it always finishes with barks and tummy rubs

Guess we can both just use the colder months to keep progress under wraps and then shock everyone come springtime 😆

Mirror selfie shows Blair's torso - he wears an ACDC t-shirt with the sleeves chopped off

It's a shame winter is happening cause I look good without sleeves apparently 💪

(scuse backdrop, it's sadly not my lego, my living situation is chaotic AF and this is the only mirror I've got access to lmao)

does anybody know if the doom ceases at any point

You're allowed to *want* revenge, just not to *get* it - the stars are a dick sometimes

On the back (written by the admin staff), the attendance policy reiterated that nothing was more important than learning, that you should only stay home from school if you're severely ill, and common seasonal ailments were no excuse.

Did *anyone* ever actually proofread that shit???

On the front (mostly written by teachers & support staff), there was always a segment about how if you have ANY form of contagious illness, to stay home, there was a severely immunocompromised kid in school and even a common cold could be very dangerous to him.

As we hit the time of year where Everyone gets the sniffles, and we start seeing more & more posts from parents getting into trouble for their kids being off sick, I'm reminded of the absolute shitshow that was my primary school's approach to illness, explained on the monthly newsletter.

Oh hell yeah! I noticed the same thing at Food House a few weeks ago, it was just a free-for-all tbh, trans folks of every direction just stopping dead between the two doors and you could see most of em mentally flipping coins 😂

"Your gender is what's in your pants!"

"Well it'll be piss soon, if you don't let me use the entirely unoccupied cubicles"

Ah yes, the Clownfish Approach: when your situational gender presentation is dictated by the apparent genders of folk around you to maintain balance 😆

But whose party's on first?

Like I'm assuming it's the sheer audacity I have to wander around in a towel with the Moobs Of Plausible Deniability out, and pretend to dry a ballsack I don't possess, that gets me away with it? Tboy equivalent of a hi-vis and clipboard etc etc.

Still find it fucking hilarious that mens' toilets are still a grey area for me re: passing (safest option but I still get yelled at sometimes), but gym locker rooms where they can see a lot more of my "female anatomy" have never once been an issue.

(Slept funny a while ago and woke up with a numb patch on most of my left leg which persisted for weeks, entirely got used to this as my New Normal as I tend to do with Weird Leg Shit & only just noticed that it's suddenly fine. Got bigger things to worry about than if I can feel my leg, yknow?)

Perfectly Normal Chronic Illness observation: apparently at some point in the last week I regained feeling in my thigh and I never fuckin noticed.

Good to know that wasn't in fact permanent, I guess.

Like I know life isn't perfect for them either, but I gotta remember when I feel like "actually I'm fine and making it up and nothing is actually wrong" that most folks would side with them, and that the shit I've put up with is in fact Worth Complaining About Sometimes.

Turns out average folk who get through a 9-5 without doing Office Floor Yoga, drive home to their house and kids without being yelled at in the street for existing, and make dinner without forgetting half the steps or being too tired to stand? They're the ones who have it "not that bad" actually.

Idk I'm just sitting on the sofa-bed-surrounded-by-bags I call home remembering my office job days, which were *goddamn luxurious* compared to now, and how I'd tell casual stories about Existing While Trans or the fact that "I sometimes use a walking stick now", and be met with abject horror.

No matter how much we try to believe "someone else's suffering doesn't make yours less meaningful", it's hard when *everyone* else around us seems to be suffering more.

But that's only because the only people who will stay around us are the ones also suffering.

Gotta try and remember that.

It's already shit that the only people who care about marginalised groups are others in those or similar groups, because it would be lovely for folk to have empathy for us without having to experience what we do. But it's even worse when I think about how it skews our perspectives.

I don't think about the vast majority of people in this world who experience zero pain on a daily basis, have never been egged or denied use of a bathroom, are able to just Do The Fucking Dishes like it's nothing. Because those aren't the people who have stuck around in my life.

I think about how my neurodivergence affects me, and think "well I'm lucky, I've got coping mechanisms that mean I'm capable of managing fairly well without support, clearly I'm just talking shit" because when I have these talks, it's with others whose brain chemistry has played havoc on their life.

I compare my experiences as a trans person to others and go "yeah I haven't been physically attacked so clearly I have nothing to worry about" because the other stories I hear are from other trans people who have been targets of violence and active harm.

Like I look at my experience as a physically disabled person and go "yeah I shouldn't complain everyone else has it so much worse than me" because the people who I feel safe to talk to about disability are all other disabled people, many of whom have experienced shit I couldn't dream of.

Genuinely do wonder how much of the internalised shame & discomfort in being part of a marginalised group comes from the fact that we only ever compare ourselves to other people like us because those are the people that surround us.