Violet

Breakfast

Spouse was all "oh you deserve to have a day where you just meet your calories and don't have a deficit" yesterday, little does he know that I'll be making that up today and tomorrow. #edsky

I love the Italian version (Stracciatella soup) where you mix the egg with some Parmesan before adding it to the broth. Can also add shredded spinach, it's sooooooo goooood

Made myself a smoothie I don't want to meet a minimum calorie goal I hate. Fuck my life. #edsky

Trying to put together a nice outfit for a get together at the local gay cafe/bar is a HARSH reminder of how much weight I've gained, cause all my outfits were conceived pre-PhD and, well. Absolutely none of them fit anymore. Just kill me now. (Also can't go there looking straight, yk) #edsky

Hospital food tends to be healthy and low cal because it's for sick people so you're fine 💚

Same but wanting to be beefy buff and model skinny. Absolutely impossible.

One would think they already ran into us on twitter

Yaaaaas you go!

Spouse wanted to tell me good news. I got kind of excited because I really need good news. Turns out the woman he's dating recently finally texted back. I'm happy for him but also like... I really don't care. This does not affect me. Come back with actual good news.

Rest he says
As the garbage overflows
Rest he says
With the dishes in the sink
Rest he says
While the floor sticks to my feet
Rest he says
And the toilet starts to reek
Rest he says
You deserve it
I'll take care of everything
Like telling you to rest
And creating dirt for you to clean.

I'm so tired the caffeine isn't even doing anything to my heart at this point. During the peak phase of my PhD I'd down 2 monsters back to back just to feel something 💀

"No more monster energy now that the PhD is over!" She said. And promptly started chugging whole cans again to get through gym workouts.

Don't mix high caffeine drinks and workout folks. It's not healthy. Plus oh god all those artifical sweeteners are so bad for my gut health. Actimel time. #edsky

Fitbit begging me to rest as I get ready to go to the gym. Sorry babe, but it's this or no food. #edsky

Wow I'm so sorry... You're not a bad person. It's not your fault you're depressed. You need support.

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I shit on company time ✨✨✨

Can also be water, your body likes to store that when you're sick

Snall torso but big ass an thighs team unite ✨

Bodies are weird

Nice thing about swimming is that it doesn't make me feel like a sweaty pig.

For reference, a decade ago I was roughly the same weight/approaching the same weight. But a lot less fit. So I'm at a better starting point this time... I think?

Casually walked 10k steps without even really thinking about it just exploring the town. Violet a decade ago would've never. This year I'll for sure hit my gw again, right? I just need to not binge... #edsky

Have you tried "preparing" them? I find grating an apple completely transforms it, for example.

Mine was "cutting comments" that... I told them I am not even aware of most of the time. We've been together for 5 years and I said multiple times that I need to be called out on it immediately. Instead I'm hit with "this has been getting worse for the last year!". Like excuse me. Talk to me?

Anyways, back to therapy with me. I *was* going to finally address my trauma due to sexual abuse, but guess we're back to managing bad BPD symptoms to benefit those around me instead. Maybe in a few months I'll get to actually do trauma therapy.

Shower me with love and attention and excitement and passion and give me everything you have and are. But don't dare and slip up, don't get angry or frustrated and don't do those nasty ✨bad BPD behaviours✨. Nobody wants those. Just the ones that make me feel good. Just those ones.

But what do you mean you're obsessing about me less? No! I still want you to treat me like your favourite person on this planet and grind yourself to dust to please me! I'd never say it like this of course, I'm just going to complain if your attention decreases a little bit.

See the problem with having treated BPD is that everyone wants the POSITIVE symptoms but god save you if you dare to slip up and exhibit one of the negative ones. Back to therapy with you, you horrible person. I'd break up with you if I was less gracious, count yourself lucky.

Absolute king