Ryan Pigg

If you say you love America but you don’t love the people in America then you just love hot dogs and Walmart.

Pope Bob

The Atlantic should have released the screenshots like Marvel announced the cast of Doomsday.

I would enter the severance program for when I’m in LA traffic. My final task would be “Coldwater”

Spoke too soon

So far this is the first Sunday in March there hasn’t been an earthquake in LA

A thumbs up emoji response is the new “K”

Me in the 90s: I didn’t read the book. I’ll just wait until the movie comes out

Me now: I didn’t see the movie. I’ll just wait until the memes come out

“Waiter, I ordered liberal tears, but this tastes more like recession.”

Mickey 17 was great

If the earthquake had happened during the Oscars, everyone would have taken shelter under Conan O’Brien.

Conan: You know, Anora is having a good night. That's great news. Two wins already. I guess Americans are excited to see somebody finally stand up to a powerful Russian.

My neighbors are so loud I assumed it was them for the first 7 seconds. #LAEarthquake

No earthquakes while I’m watching The White Lotus, please!

Trump is having an absolute meltdown because he thinks Zelensky isn't saying "Thank you" enough.

I haven't felt this awkward since that last Pod Meets World episode.

Crockett: "Down in Alabama, who's broke. Down in Louisiana, who's broke. I can go through pretty much the entire south and tell you that they're broke and rely on a lot of welfare from the government. To be perfectly honest, it is tax dollars from these big blue states...we're in the find out phase"

a cartoon drawing of a futuristic city with a blue tube in the middle of it ALT: a cartoon drawing of a futuristic city with a blue tube in the middle of it

Trump killed the high speed rail project in CA (because that means less Tesla purchases). We're close to Elon pitching his stupid Hyperloop idea again

They changed it so fast!

Draw a picture of a tunnel on the side of a mountain. Get them to say it’s Duck Season. Dress up like a lady to distract them.

Everyone in LA knows a Yukon Cornelius and they’re usually a barista in Silverlake

a man in a suit and tie is making a funny face and says it was meee !!! ALT: a man in a suit and tie is making a funny face and says it was meee !!!

Parents: Did you buy this movie on our Prime account? You can tell us if you accidentally bought it, we won’t be mad.

Parents 5 minutes later:

Turns out Cinderella was just a middle child

That plane’s bathroom is about to look like RFK’s brain

Seeing all my old friends on here again

The most "American" part of The Patriot is when Mel Gibson goes back into the burning house to save the guns.

House of the Dragon?! I can barely afford Apartment of the Dog!

People always talk about Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, but rarely talk about Millard Fillmore: Werewolf Slayer.

Living in LA means having the constant horrifying feeling that your car is being towed.