Brandy Bryant 🏳️‍⚧️

When you're trans, doesn't matter the context, someone will be like "Leave kids alone!". So anytime I'm out shopping and the cashier is like "Would you like to donate or round up for the kids?" I'm like "Nah. Fuck them kids". It feels so good to help out a cause.

Saying Trump lost the Nobel Peace Prize isn't true because there's no reality where he ever had it to begin with.

One time I got asked to open for a bigger trans comedian and I turned it down because I was like "That'd be like going to a restaurant and ordering cocktail weenies as an appetizer when you're entree is a foot long hot dog"

Out here living my best life.

Mount Everest is basically Aokigahara Forest, aka Japan's suicide forest, but for rich white people. It's where they go to die.

I never got why anyone would want to climb Mount Everest. If you wanted to climb a mountain just to see a bunch of trash and dead bodies you could just visit Denver.

MAGA comedian doing crowd work: *fires tear gas into the audience*

Diddy only got four years in prison. That's such a short sentence that when he gets out Trump will still be in the Whitehouse.

Don't worry, I'm still out here being cringe 😎

Had to keep my head down while people were swinging at it 😅

I think I got a rare Labubu.

A sitcom about an autistic maga supporter who's obsessed with trains and rounding up "illegals" called: Conservautism

NASA found possible signs of life on Mars but Trump is aborting the mission, stating "If it's even a single cell that could grow into more advanced life then Mars must keep it"

Landlords be like "I understand we are all living through difficult times with the civil war erupting, but please remember that rent is still due on the 1st"

*shot and stomped on*

But that works too, autocorrect.

My girlfriend is worried about me going back to comedy because she thinks I'll get hit on. I'm like "Have you seen how popular I am online right now? I'm definitely gonna get hit on. Probably shot and stabbed on too. You should be worried"

Like a sports mascot except you dont get paid and do it for the love of the game.

I'm hearing that the shooter is also a furry. What's his fursona, Chewbacca from Star Wars?

My friends are like "You better be careful with these jokes. Those bigots could trace your IP" and I'm like "Oh, please. The only IP they know is IP in the women's bathroom".

You know the whole "Trans people have an unfair advantage" thing is bull crap because I'm good at putting weiners away and I've never won a hotdog eating contest.

The Nazi killing film Sisu is getting a sequel! After recovering his stolen gold from the Nazis, he decides to use his newfound wealth to open a public aquarium. The film is called Sisu Bought a Sea Zoo

I'm sure the two words "red" and "hat" being switched around and spelling "hatred" is just a coincidence.

I've never smoked a cigarette, but seeing how I can't suck on hard candy, my first instinct would probably be to chew it up.

I ordered a custom fetish video from someone, got it, I did my business with it, and moved on. A few days later I get a message and she apologized saying she sent me someone else's video by mistake. Outraged, I go "I'm sorry. Are you telling me I got off on the wrong foot?!"

The US blew up a ship because they thought there were drugs on board? Wait until they find out what drugs are on Air Force 1.

I know this biking is starting to pay off because when I started a couple months ago, during my first week, some homeless dude called me a fat bitch. Today I rode by that same homeless dude, and got called a bitch. That's progress.

This is the literal dumbest timeline. We're gonna have open war on the streets of the US while Uber drivers struggle to deliver food to people sitting in their basement playing Call of Duty.

The Amish don't really accept LGBT people in their community and encourage their members to resist it through hard work and prayer. My gay ass be running my hands up and down the butter churn shaft like "Oh God, oh God. It's working, I can feel it. I'm churning straight!"

I get wanting to end life on your own terms, but I'm sorry, if you have a food allergy, that's just shellfish.

Me in my best Jeff Foxworthy voice: If you've ever won a TV from a liquor store contest... Youuuuuuu might be an alcoholic