What we build, what we make of our life in trauma recovery, is better than any fantasy of what we "should" have been. This is real. This is raw. We're building a life that supports our authenticity & values from the ground up.

This isn't hypothetical. You're doing it.

We are not the mess our symptoms have made of our life.

Some people are going to want to treat us like we are-- but we're not. We're not.

This situation will pass as we realistically work our recovery & incrementally, purposefully change our nervous system. Remember. Remember.

It Was an Ambush Today marked one of the grimmest days in the history of American diplomacy.

Today was a grim, terrible day for the United States and the cause of democracy. Putin, along with other dictators around the world, can finally look at Trump with confidence and think: one of us.

www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archiv...

Three years ago, I had the honour of collaborating with Ukrainian dancers from Edmonton via a virtual meeting. They taught me some Ukrainian dance moves, and I taught them some Bhangra moves. I'm sharing the video today in solidarity because standing with the oppressed is standing for lasting peace.

a man with a beard is standing in front of a red wall and making a gesture with his hand . ALT: a man with a beard is standing in front of a red wall and making a gesture with his hand .

Congratulations! We are all within hours of surviving 2024 & ready to face the challenges of the decade that will be 2025.

Trauma tries to convince us what we like, what turns us on, what interests us, what moves us, is "stupid"-- that we "shouldn't" "waste" time on it. It's one reason survivors are so vulnerable to suicidal ideation: we've been shamed for things that make life worth living.

We are not doing any "better" or "worse" than anybody else who survived what we dd-- because no one survived exactly what we did.

There IS no valid comparison-- there's only how we manage this next minute a little more safely, a little more purposefully, than the last minute.

Remember: if we're only on our side or have our own back when it's easy, we're not gonna recover from the trauma that harmed us. It's MOST important we be on our own side & have our own back when our trauma programming is berating & pressuring us to hurt or abandon ourselves.

We can care what other people think about us without making their approval the dominating force in our life.

Of course we're gonna care. It's okay-- we don't have to attach it to self-hate or self-censorship. This isn't as all-or-nothing as Trauma Brain wants us to think it is.

Sadness may knock at your heart's door many times a day, like an uninvited guest seeking entry to your most soft space. But don’t let it make you miss joy's gentle knock—those precious moments come less often, and you must embrace them when they arrive.
Gurdeep.org

It's never too early in the day to start piping good stuff into our head. Our old, toxic programming will always be the default when we wake up-- unless we purposefully use that time to read, listen to, or watch stuff that reminds us of & supports our recovery goals today.

Every day, multiple times a day, trauma survivors in recovery need to push pause, check in, & validate our experience & needs.

We've been ignored & gaslit & ridiculed for years-- this is a project of reshaping neural pathways through consistent, intentional focus & self-talk.

It's not that we become impervious to triggers. It's that we come to trust our commitment to responding to them w/ skill & commitment to not turn on ourselves like our bullies & abusers conditioned us to. And both parts of that equation, skill & commitment, very much matter.

Goals in trauma recovery are not about setting up unrealistic expectations. They're about inserting into ou internal conversation the idea that life won't always be like this-- that we can effect change we explicitly choose.

Effective goals are motivating, not overwhelming.

"Abandonment" doesn't just mean being literally left by the side of the road (although some people reading this did experience that). There are emotional & relational forms of "abandonment" that contribute to complex trauma our culture never talks about or acknowledges.

Losing Excitement For Small, Simple, Ordinary, And Basic Things Is The Biggest Loss In Life During life's heaviest burdens and most challenging moments, we can easily lose touch with our precious inner child—that natural source of excitement and wonder.

Amidst the heaviest burdens & most challenging circumstances that life presents, it becomes remarkably easy to lose touch with that precious "excitement-factory" inner child — that vital spark of wonder & joy that illuminates the small and ordinary things in life.

A certain amount of trauma recovery involves what we call "acting as if." It's not "faking" anything-- it's nudging closer to thinking, feeling, & behaving in ways that are recovery consistent. It's practice. It's "trying on" beliefs & attitudes that we're working on developing.

Losing Excitement For Small, Simple, Ordinary, And Basic Things Is The Biggest Loss In Life During life's heaviest burdens and most challenging moments, we can easily lose touch with our precious inner child—that natural source of excitement and wonder.

If you have a moment, I'd love for you to read my new article:
LOSING EXCITEMENT FOR SMALL, SIMPLE, ORDINARY, AND BASIC THINGS IS THE BIGGEST LOSS IN LIFE
gurdeeppandher.substack.com/p/excitement...

Of all the BS-- Belief Systems-- that trauma strong-arms into our brain, maybe the most toxic is, "what you do today doesn't make a difference."

My ass, it doesn't make a difference. What we do today is literally the ONLY thing that CAN make a difference.

🐾🐾🤍.

I don't want you comparing your trauma recovery to anyone else's-- including mine-- unless it's to adapt a tool they've used to your own needs.

The comparison game is an old Trauma Brain trap. It's recovery poison. Redirect your focus as many times as you need to to avoid it.

No one who gives us sh*t about our struggles w/ emotional regulation, has anything useful to teach us about emotional regulation.

They can support us in learning emotional regulation or shut the f*ck up-- we don't have time for anything else.

We have a recovery to work here.