Hell I'll even try to enjoy it. Not just cuz I feel like you'd haunt me if I didn't, but because I think you let me see that side of you every year, in hopes that I'd keep it with us after you were gone. That I might understand even some of the reason behind that glint of excitement behind your eyes

And I'm left with that sharp jagged jaded edge I've held on to for decades now, no soft spot to dull it for a day. And now the added cut of your absence to really bring it home. I'm not angry, I don't resent it, I can't let it go, but I won't let those cuts drain me. I'll remember, I'll partake

It was your favorite time of year, and while I despised the holiday, I looked forward to watching you live it. I think you knew that, honestly. This will be the first Christmas I can come to where you won't be there. No anticipatory smile, no twitch in you knew, no bounce around the house.

You couldn't wait to watch our faces light up one by one as we got to express joy in whatever you had planned. That face you got at that very moment, that was the soft spot. It made me want to put on a little show and smile, be merry, have a little pep in my step for the day. Because you would smile

But I held a soft spot for so much of my life when it came to Christmas morning. Not because of the childlike wonder people attribute to the time, but because of you, mom. No matter how rough the year had been, no matter how little you were helped in setting it up, you beamed come morning.

Alright confession time. I hate Christmas. I have for years, and it's probably my worst kept secret. Whether it was retail ruining the holiday for over a decade or just the usual nonsense I get exposed to in healthcare surrounding this time of year I've almost been primed to hate it.

Heavily considering a switch up on career paths. Cuz this paycheck-paycheck way of life is for the damn birds

New space same pin:
My feed will continue to be cute/funny shit from anime/videogames/whatever and yelling about injustice, racial or otherwise, and, when the mood hits me shouting, and I quote, "FUCK THE POLICE"

If that's too much whiplash for ya then, consider this a formal warning

As you were