Coyote Face

I love pigs! I think they’re cool, smart animals. I also will never, ever own one because I have epilepsy and I don’t want my cause of death to be “eaten alive after having a tonic clonic seizure in front of a pig”

I was going to say PLS SEND A PIC OF THEM BEANS but then I realized that is ASKING FOR FEET PICS and I am not QUENTIN TARANTINO

You know what, whenever I get out of bed to make myself a 5 am smoothie, I’m just going to remind myself: at least you’re not baking a tres leches cake, even though that would be delicious

Now I want cake lol

Sometimes I get out of bed at 5 or 6am just to make a smoothie because I can’t sleep and it feels appropriate

I miss old school forums. That’s where I shine socially. Discord is overwhelming and everything else is *gestures broadly and then begins crying*

I AGREE that FLESH IS STUPID and I would like to SUGGEST that perhaps you try BIONIC ARMS

A black German shepherd with tan feet lying inside a pen on a white blanket. She is staring at the camera with an impatient look on her face. One of her hind legs is shaved and she is wearing a cone of shame

Hi my name is COYOTE FACE and this is how I STARE at my FAVORITEST HUMAN like a CREEPY NIGHT STALKER until they STIR FROM THEIR SLUMBER but also they are NOT WAKING UP FAST ENOUGH and I am VERY IMPATIENT because I have PEEPEE NEEDS

#coyoteface #germanshepherd #dogsofbsky

I have a look. A vibe, if you will. And that vibe says, if I’m ever homeless and living in a tent in Washington DC, I’ve got a lot of practice dressing the part

I want people to shame me for not dressing to the nines. I like to let people know that I’m this gremlin-y on purpose

I am also experiencing POWERFUL DEPRESSION, mine is caused by LACK OF WALKIES even though I keep asking VERY POLITELY

I live in a neighborhood w/ a voluntary ”HOA” that my neighbors tried to get me to join. Haha nice try, I’m not a sucker

Anyway my point is, I despise HOAs. My parents got hit w/ a ridiculous bill from once because they put in a gate, but the gate was useless, you could just drive around it

NGL at first I assumed you were talking about a golden retriever named Lemon. Because a golden retriever would definitely have people agitating for their freedom (most of them are in fact criminals though)

My father was AF but I guarantee if he had a grave he’d be spinning in it. His ashes have probably formed into a lil tornado though. A dust devil made of anger

Would you like to ICE MY HIP? It is a good BONDING ACTIVITY

LET ME KNOW if I need to THREATENINGLY BARK at ANYONE OR ANYTHING because I CAN DO THAT

I WILL KISS YOU BACK UNTIL YOUR SKIN HURTS COME AT ME BRO (affectionately) (also gently I am sore)

YES

My FAVORITEST HUMAN has told me that’s called FORBIDDEN ALMOND ROCA

I can COME OVER TO YOUR HOUSE and then SCREECH AT THEM when they try to EAT A FORBIDDEN SNACK

YES but I think that you are STEREOTYPING which is KINDA RUDE 😔

POOP is YUCKO GROSS and I am a FASTIDIOUS LADY

I know for a FACT that they simply EAT THEM THEMSELVES which is RUDE

HILL’S SCIENCE DIET URGENT CARE A/D

It is MAGIC because it TURNS SOUPY when you GIVE IT A LIL STIR

YOUR CAT SON IS THE POINT

Go RUB HIS BELLY and REVEL IN THE INHERENT DANGER

I have been informed by an EXTREMELY RELIABLE SOURCE that those owls said some VERY RUDE THINGS about your HOUSEHOLD IN GENERAL so LET THEM YELL

Oh you like archery? What was the name of the person who invented the bow, huh? Oh you don’t know? Filthy casual

I spend too much time on reddit

I’m interested. How weird? Where is this talk? I NEED TO KNOW

Whenever NOTHING SOUNDS GOOD to me, my FAVORITEST HUMAN buys me PURINA ONE PATE STYLE FOOD and maybe you should GIVE THAT A TRY? It is EXTREMELY DELICIOUS, like the SECOND MOST DELICIOUS THING in the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD

My FAVORITEST HUMAN will do STUFF LIKE THAT but in THEIR DEFENSE they have a PARALYZED STOMACH SITCH and can only eat WEIRD TINY MEALS

I think they ATE THEM which is VERY SELFISH