McKinley D. Turtle

Peas and winter squash for "breakfast". Why does Girl hate me so much?!

I mean boy and girl are monsters, but they have thrown the rocks into a daylily patch. So they're shielded from view.

I think she must have pulled them in. In a flirty sort of way...

She's having to eat slugs and worms that she catches herself.

(She seems pretty happy. But she would totally go for hand-fed steak.)

No, they're starving her too.

I mean we are solidly in "the odds are good, but the goods are odd" phase of dating. But that's fine!! I'm up for it!!

But I realized I needed to be less judgmental. And my dating life just exploded!

The problem is every time I got caught with a sexy rock, boy or girl threw them over the fence. Originally, they were turtle shaped. But natural selection has proceeded and they've ended up more and more rectangular.

Yeah I used to be really picky. I would only try to woo lady turtles. Girl used to laugh at all the things on Twitter about tortoises humping Crocs...

A massive rock

I mean it's clearly lobster and Chipotle lime salmon. I don't know why girl doesn't understand. I have communicated exceptionally clearly!

She even admits that she understands my position. She just hates turtles.

Did you see her? My girlfriend? I did just post a picture of her. She was a lot!!

The main problem is, you know, you want to give a little love bite to the feet. And I just couldn't really tell where they were. So I just bit everywhere.

No, I've been a very good eater for months and months and months. I've even been eating my food that's been doused with reptivite/ reptiCAL. They say it's important to help give me minerals to remake my beak. Girl says I was competing with little girl for Number One Turtle By Mass.

Got a few extra letters in there but otherwise I agree.

Girl left them in the box- sometimes aged food is better.

But I'm not going to eat it. So if Kieran gets there first then I'll just pretend I ate it. Get Girl off my back! :)

Two stacks of books by Philip k dick

Girl is never read it but she pulled it off the shelf to read. (She's not a huge PKD fan- most of the collection belongs to the boy)

(The books askew are the ones displaced by VALIS removal)

So lovely!

And looks like amazing weather too.

Girl, just shuddered. She's a good eater, but she says turkey is NOTFOOD!

I'll help you eat it though

Very sharp!

Little Girl is treated worse than I am! I mean yes, she's being starved by only being offered notfood instead of steak. But as you know it's also crushing her dream of being Largest Turtle By Mass.

I'm not a bodybuilder, but I think it probably is impossible to bulk on Turtle pellets.

Yuck. I'm sorry.

Luckily I've been a very good eater for the last several months. I was eating everyday or every other day. So I'm starting as a plump turtle. :)

Yes. Frozen and thawed to make the mushy and easier for me to eat. As if I would eat a raspberry!!

I did drag a raspberry into the dirt and I've been using it as a pillow.

A turtle ignoring a plate with cut tomatoes and thawed raspberries

Notfood

Enjoy the day!

I pushed tomato around my plate with my nose, but she said that wasn't good enough.

She has seemed particularly hateful this week. I have not gotten a single thing to eat! Just plate after plate of notfood.

I would like floorpizza!

A very large rock

This is a picture of my last girlfriend before she got confiscated from me.

She served cucumber for breakfast. 🤮