PMG

Müller restraining order?

a white car is driving down a street next to a blue truck ALT: a white car is driving down a street next to a blue truck

Also your car:

When you just used a ladder to watch Ned and Maude Flanders fuck, and you need to have a lay-down and let the dog drink your piss.

She needed that car more than him. Be more respectful Colleen, you Nazi.

Suck his dick

me watching Mr. Hands death video on repeat at full volume at 12:06am while my wife is trying to sleep

I’ve had my hand in a cows mouth… does that count?

me after my wife reminds me I have to take our kid to some birthday party tomorrow and small talk with fucktards

When it’s #FCF

a woman wearing a leopard print hat and veil covering her mouth with her hands ALT: a woman wearing a leopard print hat and veil covering her mouth with her hands

It’s nothing new. Where do you think she got the name Peggy from?

a picture of a man with purple flowers and the words i 'm so cute on the bottom ALT: a picture of a man with purple flowers and the words i 'm so cute on the bottom

Yes but technically it was a squartmit because I also added vomit.

when I get home from work and immediately try to give myself head (it never works)

a man wearing a kimono and a cowboy hat is standing in front of a sign that says 973 ALT: a man wearing a kimono and a cowboy hat is standing in front of a sign that says 973

Have you considered…. sex traffi… sorry I mean being a Pimp 😎?

As much as I agree with this, I also think the park rangers would get into SERIOUS altercations, likely violent, if they dished out $10k tickets to drunks.

when you’re so far left and believe in realllllllly late abortions

my dick may be micro, but the fear I put into people is macro.

oops wrong account 😫

when you pulled too long of a shift inside the glory hole at the Richmond Night Market

when the whiskey starts tasting like you need to go on Twitter and tell MAGA bots they 69 their dad.

these Epsteins distractions are becoming so costly for Americans

*extreme Bono voice*

MONDAY CUMMY MONDAYYYY

me in heaven hospital after getting my back blown out by Elvis and 2pac

me when I was 8

TFW everything’s coming up zesty Italian

when you do the old popcorn trick on the date, and then forget an hour later

We’re so back

when your son is suddenly blind so you feed him a pile of fucking rats