Ray Goldberg

Hey AO3 shit is hard right now and I don’t need this on top of it. I read really fast. Please let me have my smut.

Streaming in 2010: You can watch an entire catalog of amazing movies and TV shows for a reasonable monthly fee

Streaming in 2025: our library is Batman movies and 28 seasons of a Tim Allen sitcom, it costs $159/month. We just destroyed the last piece of evidence that Mister Rogers ever existed

Thank you, I’ve been trying to tell people this for years

But as Justin says, if they have to withstand watching it every year then we just have to withstand hearing the same conversations looping around.

For the second consecutive year, I have decided to pregame the new Til Death Do Us Blart by marathoning all the previous episodes. I can never hope to understand the boys’ pain but it is a certain flavor of insanity to yell at my phone “y’all literally had this revelation 3 years ago!!”

This felt particularly prudent after I googled “if you could improvise a gas chamber out of a room you already had in your house, what did the normal purpose of that room used to be”

Sometimes after I research too many suspicious things I literally do a search that says “I am a writer, please don’t put me on a watchlist”

This game is even more difficult for drinks, especially because they’re usually from independent cafés with no branded cups. It’s mystery potions all the way down.

Part of my neurodiverse cocktail is that I hate wasting food, so sometimes I end up eating suspiciously old leftovers and paying the price.
My new rule is: if I can recall exactly what’s in that box, where I got it, and roughly when (assuming the when isn’t an auto-fail, I am allowed to eat it.

You know in Mrs. Doubtfire when Sally Field goes “The whole time? The whole time???” Wouldn’t it be wild if it wasn’t the whole time? Like Mrs. Doubtfire really was an old Scottish lady and Daniel knocked her out and usurped her identity just for today.

Todd Phillips’s Wuthering Heights

I had to introduce myself to a room full of people when I was at the height of my gender panic so instead of my pronouns I gave everyone a meandering and entirely too specific portal into my neuroses, and at the end everyone still didn’t know how to refer to me so they didn’t

I was born in the wrong generation. I should have free healthcare and bionic eyes.

Starting the brand off strong

DRAG IT TRU DA GARDN BABY

My body is not a temple, it is a last gen phone that is trying to play Pokémon Go, but it just keeps overheating and crashing and needs to be recharged immediately.

As someone who was way too into Chuck in high school, those revelations hit me in my ribs

That indescribable feeling we get when Marie confesses she also had a childhood crush on David Krumholtz in Addams Family Values