Old New dad

I have never had two of my sports teams eliminated from the playoffs on the same day. And the Flames lost too

I'd like to thank Southern California Edison for having a scheduled blackout during the World Series. Your timing couldn't be more on brand to your entire business model.

I will call this World Series 'The Battle of Two Teams Who Get to Tell Trump Not to Call the Locker room when they Win. #GoBlueJays

Is it wrong that I hope this game goes until Sunday an hour before the winner meets the Blue Jays?

Trump is so angry he didn't win the Nobel Peace Prize, he might just start a war.

My attempt to gain some pop culture cred with my wife by telling her that Nicole Kidman and Garth Brooks were getting divorced, did not go as I had hoped.

I think Fox is probably ride or die with Trump no matter how absurd it all gets, but I do think there’s a certain kind of comedy adjacent podcaster who helped get him elected but to preserve their own image can’t get on board with a feeble old man raging against escalators and teleprompters.

I've been doing Duolingo for over 6 months trying to learn Spanish. The fact that I don't know enough Spanish to tell you "I suck at it" is an indication how well it's going. You've been doing it a while, are you fluent yet?

It took 45 years but we finally found someone who thinks Tom Hanks is a bad person.

Beginning to accept that my nickname will never be ’slim' unless it's meant ironically.

I know it's a silly reason not to watch a show but I'm having trouble getting into the King of the Hill reboot knowing that all the characters probably voted for Trump and Ted Cruz.

I'm not sure if my 2-year-old daughter's picking up my Canadian accent or mocking it. #oldnewdad #SunnyDream #girldad

My two-year-old just called a burp a 'mouth toot' and I've never been more proud. #SunnyDream #OldNewDad #girldad

Yesterday on Wordle I learned that a lot of people do not know the word foist.

This is the first time in my life I have ever cheered for the Oilers. So, to my friends and the fans in Edmonton, I apologize for jinxing your team.

West Hollywood was huge!

this is like slowing down the zapruder film of racism so you can see exactly the point of impact

People who hate California remind me of the people who hate SNL. You've never ever been or watched, and you don't know how great it is.

You think your two-year-old is smart? Mine can tell she'll hate a food just by looking at it.

I will be happy for you and McDavid. That is it.

I'm preparing myself for the inevitability that the Edmonton Oilers are going to win the Stanley Cup. It is not a happy place.

Was honestly thinking to myself last night... "Greatest".

Leafs look out of all types of sorts.

@mikeroyce.bsky.social The curse of the President's Trophy is real.

This is horrible. And you are absolutely right. I have several narrators that I just love.

Trump ranting against Springsteen is nothing new. Nixon publicly stated that Mott the Hoople were overrated, Gerald Ford officially declared Seals & Crofts better than Brewer & Shipley, and Reagan openly said Engelbert Humperdinck's last album sucked.

If you ever call my 2-year-old daughter the n-word at the park, people will be starting a GoFundMe account for me to get me out of prison.

If there was a movie about an evil billionaire re-opening Alcatraz I would watch it. Any other iteration of this story is fucking ridiculous.

My Costco driver texted me to inform me that he dropped an entire carton of cookies. I am now kicking myself that on hearing this news I didn't write back "That's the way the cookie crumbles."

My wife knowing what happened with Bill Belichick and his girlfriend is the most indepth sports related story she's ever shared an opinion about.