Dave Powers

Imagine being named FRANK Kafka

Actually screw it, that dude made it so I can never enjoy "a night out on the town to listen to Coldplay with the boys" without raising *major* suspicion.

Coldplay's Chris Martin has a rich history of philanthropy, which is why he should cover that tech CEO's forthcoming divorce attorney fees as an act of good faith.

Halfway through my good friend’s wedding and I’ve already sweated through my Men’s Wearhouse dress shirt rental to the point that I’m concerned they will deem it a total loss.

- jacktheripper
- jiggy
- kotex
- moles
- poorwhitetrash
- protestant
- satan
- sixsixsix
- trisexual (but not "bisexual")
- whiskeydick
- whitey
- estupido
- estupida
- lameass

Every time someone goes to schedule an appointment at this bank, they send ~10KB of swears and slurs over the internet.

Naturally, I dug through the source code to find all 1,139 `blackListedWords` (their naming).

My select favorites:
- assclown
- asscowboy
- boom
- butterball
- commie
- dildo
- dildoe
- dildoes
- dildos
- greaseball
- hitler
- hitlerism
- hitlerist
- homosexual (but not "heterosexual")

(cont.)

Did you know that a major bank in America (🏦 of 🇺🇸, 👀) has a client-side validation on their appointment scheduling form to censor profanity?

(Actual results)

Before:
"Hello, I would like to move some assets"

After:
"####o, I would like to move some ​###ets"

What other terms are banned, you ask?

Now my Karen Read verdict thoughts!
- unfortunate the shoddy investigation prevented real answers
- clever move by defense team to ask for OUI charge inclusion
- leaving court to raucous cheers and applause after getting convicted of drunk driving is too Massachusetts for me (as a lifelong resident)

My Karen Read trial thoughts (as someone following the story since the day it broke):
- heaps and heaps of reasonable doubt
- Sue O’Connell of NBC10 is a legend
- please do not let this show get renewed for a third season

An Ocean's film series-style "getting the gang back together" montage but it's you re-enlisting your original groomsmen for your post-divorce second wedding

"It's honestly pretty easy once you get down to five."

- My friend who was dog sitting seven dogs earlier in the day and had since dropped off two of them

Like getting added as an authorized user to someone's credit card to try and boost your score, except it's getting added to group Airbnb trips to generate ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ reviews that bury the ones claiming you left noodles on the floor.

With the fourth pick of the 2025 NFL draft, the New England Patriots select the first white guy available.

Screenshot from YouTube with title "Bon Iver Got Happy - and Sexy (It Took a Lot of Work): Full Justin Vernon Interview" from the Popcast channel. Video thumbnail includes stylized photos of Bon Iver with text in all caps "Bon Iver Speaks!"

Bon Iver Got Happy - and Sexy

Bon Iver Got Happy - and Sexy

Bon Iver Got Happy - and Sexy

Bon Iver Got Happy - and Sexy

Bon Iver Got Happy - an–

I got a new license and my photo has way too much headroom. I am fine with my tax dollars going to the Department of Motor Vehicles in support of additional framing and composition training.

Screenshot from Freecycle showing two offers: "Two Hats" and "Two More Hats" The first photo is a black bowler hat, and the second photo is a brown park ranger hat.

Any chumps still on Facebook Marketplace are missing out on the real deals over on Freecycle.

Two Hats. Can't get any better than that, right?

Wrong!

Two More Hats. Right when you think the free hats have ended.

Peloton operating expenses:

- 10% rent for NYC studio space
- 15% salaries for fitness instructors
- 75% royalties paid to Papa Roach for the privilege of playing "Last Resort" during every class

Very pleased with the recent trend of having trailers for commercials, as well as sequels to commercials.

Normally, every 30-second advert, I have to ask myself "who are these characters? What is their backstory, their motivation?"

Now I will be prepared.

According to tradition, if the Bills lose to the Chiefs in the playoffs, there will be six more months of winter in Buffalo.

My health insurance is changing for the new year so I think I'll carry both my old and new card tonight along with a "see other pocket if after midnight" note in case I get scooped up by EMTs and they try to bill the wrong plan.

For any organizations participating in this Giving Tuesday, add the following to your donation form to maximize your charitable impact:

☑️ Check this box to quadruple your contribution and never be contacted again

The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago.

The second best time was 19 years and 364 days ago.

The third best time was 19 years and 363 days ago.

The fourth best time was 19 years and 362 days ago.

The fifth best time was 19 years and 361 days ago.

The sixth best time was 19 years and –

Healthcare tip: lacking medical insurance? Buy a ticket for a local music festival and hit the first aid tent. You’ll get care for your ailments and might also catch some good tunes.

Hold on just a moment, I can't quite hear you. Let me just put in my Apple AirPods Pro 2 featuring a clinical-grade Hearing Aid.

*begins listening to a four-hour podcast episode of Hardcore History about the rise of Alexander the Great*

Sorry Son, But This Several-Hundred-Dollar LEGO Set Is Just For Daddy Sure, building is fun, but the best part is displaying my creation knowing I spent half a grand on the LEGO Marvel Avengers Tower, plus tax.

Latest piece up now for Slackjaw! For all the LEGO lovers, parents and non-parents alike. 🧱
medium.com/slackjaw/sor...

Had salmon for all three meals today

In a good mood today and just firing out likes left and right on my Discover Weekly playlist.

Rob Ricci (@ricci@discuss.systems) Attached: 1 image At last, some information from Google that students can really use!

@lukevburns.bsky.social I am delighted to see that your classic "Snake Fight" piece is apparently baked into Google's generative AI feature.

If they're training on short humor, I hope querying for "when is decorative gourd season" returns a profanity-laden response.

discuss.systems/@ricci/11249...

Things I saw on my morning run today:
- a wild turkey perched on top of a parked car
- a squirrel surfing down on a falling tree branch
- a nice sunny day ☀️

Hi bluesky users! Just wanted to make a quick plug for more followers. If you're looking to keep up with an account that hasn't really posted anything and can't be bothered to add a profile photo then I'm your guy.