Sir Dax

@thesirdax: Send me anonymous messages! Anonymous messages!

I'm back, so let's take some questions!

ngl.link/thesirdax2

If you've previously sent questions that weren't answered, please send them again - I changed my phone earlier this year and NGL doesn't have a way to log in to an existing account so I can't access them🤦‍♂️

This article sounded interesting, until I saw their ages - they met when he was 43 and she was only... 31. On the plus side, their relationship does sound nice and healthy, so I can't help thinking a better title would have been "I married the right person for me."

BDSM myth busting: ‘A real sub never uses a safeword.’

Absolute nonsense. Anyone who says that is advertising that they're dangerous.

Safewords exist for a reason. Use them if you want to - but don't let anyone else tell you what's right for you.

What's the worst 'real sub' myth you've heard?

TikTok - Make Your Day Check out Dax Does Lego’s post.

I've created a new TikTok channel purely for Lego building videos - I'd appreciate follows and engagement please! I really want to do livestreams but I need followers!

Profile: www.tiktok.com/@dax.does.lego

First post: vm.tiktok.com/ZNd4LWP3G/

If you've got questions about being a Pro Dom, send them here and I'll answer: ngl.link/thesirdax

If anything, I find long-distance is much less tiring than in-person.

Why would it get tiring?

...her walk around her apartment stark naked, and sending her occasional screengrabs to remind her, is FUN.

Today's top tip:

If you're in a long-distance dynamic *with someone who lives alone*, then an excellent and fun way to play with 24/7 or TPE aspects is with something like an IP/security camera.

I currently have one trained on someone who has been told not to wear clothes today, and watching...

"fair enough". IF she changes her mind, she knows she can bring it up. Maybe the conversation brings up things like "I'm not interested in doing X, but what about Y?" and there may be things you can talk about, but ultimately, no means no.

I'll do a blog post on this, because I get this a LOT, but the short answer is:

You don't.

By all means, have a conversation, say "I'd love it if we did (whatever), what do you think?", which it seems you've done, and you listen to her answer. If it's no, which it sounds like, then you go...🧵

Finally setting up my 🪭sly account - if we're mutuals (or you follow me on here), let me know and I'll follow you. I'm on there as SirDax.

Ok, one is the whole "Use your words" thing, apparently that's hot. And of course inspection, which I mentioned last time. As for things they rave about - let's just say they're aspects of my body that I don't have any control over, and leave it at that.

Two things spring to mind:

1) Inspection. This is my absolute favourite and I am VERY good at it.

2) Public play - e.g. "go to the restroom, remove your panties, and come back wearing them as a scrunchie". NEVER doing things others would notice, though.

... a well-intentioned person, they'll correct their behaviour when they realise how wrong it is.
2) Someone who knows it's bad behaviour but doesn't care, often because they're targeting new subs who don't know any better.

It's not normal behaviour for a decent person. This is usually the sort of thing you'll get from two main types of person:

1) Someone who doesn't know it's bad behaviour, because they're new to D/s but have learnt from porn or social media. They may not mean any harm, and if they're...

Are You Being Tracked by an AirTag? Here’s How to Check If you’re worried that one of Apple’s trackers is following you without consent, try these tips.

...is to watch out for trackers. Smartphones will alert you if they find a tracker nearby, BUT it's not infallible. People can strip out the guts of them to stop them beeping to alert you.

Here's some more info and tips: www.wired.com/story/how-to...

Safety tip!

When meeting someone new, a common piece of advice is to meet them somewhere public, rather than having them over to your home.

It's also common advice to buy your own drinks, or at least keep an eye on your drink, so they can't slip something into it.

What's not so common...

Woke up this morning to the news that my first co-authored book, a rivals-to-lovers workplace romance, had its first pre-order!

Find out more here:
vm.tiktok.com/ZNd5VuS49/

Pre-order here:
amzn.to/4eJuuRH

What's one piece of advice you think everyone new to D/s should receive?

4) "How do I find my local munch?"
sirdax.co.uk/how-to-find-...

5) How do I vet a potential partner?"
sirdax.co.uk/vetting-pote...

Here are some posts about the most common questions I get asked:

1) How do I find a Dom/sub?
sirdax.co.uk/how-to-meet-...

2) "I'm new - where do I start?"
sirdax.co.uk/beginners-gu...

3) "How do I stay safe when meeting someone new?"
sirdax.co.uk/safety-when-...

🧵 1/2

🤣

Did you get my reply?

I have a free “Beginner’s Guide for Couples” here:

sirdax.co.uk/beginners-gu...

When talking about kinks, it’s a good idea to ask WHY someone likes An Thing. E.g. watersports - some enjoy being degraded, but to others they like the sensation, or maybe the intimacy, and would find involving degradation to be a turn-off.

If you don’t know why they like it, it could go wrong.

Every now and then I get new product alerts from suppliers for my DevianceByDax.com adult store, and I just got this one which made me laugh:

Glow in the dark buttplugs.

That's one way to keep your gut bacteria entertained, I suppose...

#KinkThreads

Yup. IMO it's a well-meaning, but ultimately misinformed and potentially dangerous depiction of D/s, intended to make it seem less scary for newcomers. Personally I think it's best to be fully aware of the risks.

Short answer to the whole "the sub has all the power" thing: no, they don't.

For a longer explanation, read here: www.threads.net/@thesirdax/p...

#kinkthreads

Let's talk about...

The D/s Hierarchy of Needs.

The one that people usually claim is "the only way" or "the right way" is:

Sub's needs > Dom's needs > Dom's wants > Sub's wants

What do you think? What arrangement works for you?

#kinkthreads