we're all F'ed

please, come silly up my nightmares!

do you need to be invited in? (asking in a horror classification way)

serve you a glass of punch to pour in your face?

a shady van and that bowl would put me on a milk carton

🤤

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buy a handheld showerhead and install it. if you're renting, take it with you when you move

www.idrlabs.com/7-identities...

in the face
on the face
very similar

falling in love: the internet
meeting people: whatsdat?

🤔 coincidence? 🧪 🧫 if you dye your hair, does he switch to a matching jacket?

😰

it's beautiful that you ask (i don't ask and assume the worst and spiral)

i am guilty of having such creepy botty behavior :(

beats small talk almond joy!

same

if you forgot your name and someone asked what your name was, what would you pick?

well all my socks are identical and an odd number came out of the dryer. i assumed one was raptured. maybe a sock moved in under cover of the rapture

one of my socks was right with the lord

start standing outside when the delivery vehicle is three stops away

they're like the third food i learned how to "make"... 💯 comfort food

it sure seems like exhaustion would beat insomnia, so i'm just going to keep trying. i'm probably not being exhausted the right way. i'm sure it will work for you

i recommend repeatedly screaming and crying into a pillow. does it make things better? no. does it make me feel better? also no. does it wear me out? yes! does that make it any more likely that i sleep? i wish.

life hack: order chipotle every ten minutes

some man on ig thought that non-starter was a conversation starter

yes! if i wanted a giant bacon bit, i'd ask for that. bacon is meat and meat that crumbles when you bite it is massively overcooked

because you haven't read blade?

😱 ☠️ cry on the shower floor if it were me

🫂

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💔

probably not paying for kids either