Heidi

The 19yo will still cuddle with me under the guise of showing me funny videos. I am therefore unable, both physically and emotionally, to make my own account.

Blessed are those that skeet the 🧵 of funny ⏰ for my lazy, unwilling ass

My mom just told me to cremate her and put her ashes in a hour glass so that even after she's dead and gone she can continue telling me how much time i'm wasting on this site. We both get burned in the end.
#joke

The puttering around jacket must have worm hole(the space kind, not dirt) pockets

I, personally, would not put a bunch of white hoods behind home plate for a game in the south

juuuust gonna do a quick click and save for my drivers ed child if ya don't mind thank you

Good luck and Godspeed but if you want a food rec, I always hit Jeremy's farm to table when I'm stuck down there. Almost makes it worth it.

Just making sure you get another literal thank you for the alt.
Super helpful Thank You!

I do not like tryouts. This has been hell week and I'm in my worst mood yet trying to sell myself to skeptical teen girls. Say a prayer 🙏

just learned the younger teen took the opportunity to whisper in his brother's ear

🎶 let the bodies hit the floor

and I've never been more proud

Since Lewis Hamilton is too depressed to keep dressing like Celine Dion, I guess Joe Burrow dressed like Paige Bueckers is my new favorite styling comparison

What if paying people to medicate is a genius way to inflate the jobs numbers?

I didn't jinx it!! Goms

Why do all my pants that fit end up shrinking but when I buy a little big they stretch out?

I still choose BEAR

How many Taskmaster episodes are you supposed to watch in a day?

*on time* is the key here.

If we start at 7:30am and doors open at 7 don't get in my face and huffy at 6:55 that you've been waiting outside for 15 minutes.

'Early is on time and on time is late' is nails on a chalkboard.

My perfect eyes have gone to shit so fast but it hasn't been a big deal because I have no real job. Tried to see a fast moving ball at tryouts last night and had, uh.. trouble. 😬

I’m calling it a brilliant cross-promotional ad campaign.

Little annoying for all of west coast being told what will happen locally in east coast time charts 🙄

it is now everyone's responsibility to bring this to the USA, please accept this mission I'm begging you

I always hated the "idiocracy was a documentary" takes. But I am now dead on that hill...in fargo...due to tsunami

I shouldn't have yelled "you're a bad guy" at my youngest when I saw his sample in the ER last week, but I did. Cause I'm a bad mom

Put it on a chain

Did @mikegolicjr.bsky.social change his pronouns?

The one closest to the kneecap is always "front" IMO

In this case A, and is the one I want. B is behind and requires twisting or looking down.
In my car the holders are higher, B is at my knee and A is further out of reach and I consider B "in front" and is mine, the passenger can do the sit ups.

Happy car insurance goes up day. Whose idea was it to have 2 teen boys and 4 cars? Idiot

Was Sinners a musical?

I love him but we should maybe rethink giving him a sharp stick.

Oh NOO! The discover feed gave me something good and useful. What has become of our beloved bsky?