mati

I called the crisis hotline and it helped. Go figure. Gonna try distracting myself and if that doesn't work, checking myself into a clinic because I've been SH free for too long to break that streak and I don't want to want to die but idk how to do that on my own anymore

I ate a gummy and worked out and now I want to die less 😀 small wins

Happy birthday !!

And sometimes I play a fun game or read a good book and realise that I was maybe overreacting and then it repeats

I wish that I could be one of those people who could job hop and rely on family to take care of me in between, but I literally have no one so I have no other options. The only thing keeping me here at this point is I already failed twice and I'd look like an idiot if the third time doesn't stick

I hate my coworkers. I hate how they're all bigots and I have to pretend to like them to be able to work. I hate how I can apply and apply and apply and still not get any response back so I have no choice but to continue working here.

The problem with me is that I know that I love working out. It's so much fun to move my body and get my heart racing, but putting on clothes and GOING to the gym is torture. Once I'm in there I'm good tho. Like what is that. Why is getting to the gym hard even though I love it in there?

"so where do you live?" I respond with the entire state. "Oh haha do you live alone?" I always say no and that I live with my dad (passed away) and brothers (nonexistent) and DON'T FOLLOW ME HOME YOU SEVENTY-EIGHT YEAR OLD MAN WHO THOUGHT I WAS SEVENTEEN

I've lost enough weight to be acknowledged by men and I hate it. The reason I lost weight was to be able to pass better, but I haven't lost enough weight and am now where specifically old men hit on me. Wouldn't be an issue. I could ignore it, but why do they flirt like that? In such a creepy way?

Accidentally binged so bad that I didn't get hungry for 4 days and hit a new lw

drug cw thc //
I think the delta has caught up to me. I've noticed that without hitting my pen, I don't 'have fun' eating anymore when before I started smoking, eating was wayyy too fun. Now eating seems like a chore unless I'm super high and I don't even like getting super high anymore

The developed part of my frontal lobe says don't be worried yet, but try to get something down and you'll feel better (probably prevent binging later as well), but the disordered part says take the win