Read Cook

Thank you to Cole, Jen, Brandon and all The Masters Review readers for giving “Bristol” another life.

mastersreview.com/the-2025-rep...

45. Two weeks ago. In front of child’s piano instructor. 🙋‍♂️

Van that says PRO CHOILE CARPET CLEANING on the back in traffic

Thanks for the support, carpet cleaning van

Gig ‘em and good night!

Hey! We’re thiiiiiiiis close to opening up our submission window. That gives you just enough time to print your 5 best poems, shove ‘em in an envelope, and mail them to us! Hit the link for deets! (Yes we know we’re old school; we make a gorgeous journal though!)

www.uab.edu/cas/englishp...

Dallas teams need to think of better ways to make the news.

This weighted vest/rucking fad is out of control. It’s moms, it’s dads. You’d think there was an ordinance. I’m going to put a stop to it.

A park where you’re *not* allowed to fly drones would be lovely. 🦟

Why doesn’t Nike supply Scheffler with some moister wicking shirts?

Also, I liked not having to think about what to wear each day. Navy suit, white shirt, boots every day for 12 years.

When I talk to people deciding between graduate programs, I always tell them to map out what the next five, ten, and twenty years of their life will look like, financially, under each scenario. Money’s not the goal, calmness is, and there are magically more hrs in a week to write when you’re calm.

Interesting! I hated every day of law school, but enjoyed most of my days practicing. I know an MFA would help me in terms of craft/community, but lawyering taught me a lot about story-telling, creativity, and grinding. I’ve flailed (still am!), but I’d make the same choice again.

More on this tomorrow, but thanks to @bluevilla.org for publishing my story about a place where mercy is in the eye of the holder of the hammer.

HOUSE OF VLAD PRESS “The damp dishrag hanging over the edge of the indie lit scene.”

published a lil bit of my forthcoming novel with @houseofvladpress.bsky.social recently

you can read it here if you want to - i'm in good company for the summer bummer issue! xo

houseofvladpress.com/summer-bummer

“What are the names of children at my daughter’s elementary school?”

You should write a book! It’s fun!*

*Agonizing, so far.

?

Dork.

“Every middle seat is a networking opportunity.”
—ancient Dallas proverb.

I was going to defend Bluebell, then realized I haven’t had it in twenty years despite having enjoyed a lot of ice cream over those decades.

SWA is Heineken lager: it’s a marketing scam. You’re blinded by the napkin sketch and the “❤️” and the Shamu plane of yesteryear.

And goddam flash floods and goddam Uvalde and goddam helplessness. Why are you crying, Daddy? Don’t worry about it, just remember the fucking Alamo.

The $teak! Everyone’s pretending about the $teak! It tastes okay, but never better than a mediocre carne asada at 1/4th the price. But we’re a bad Texan if we admit it’s overrated, as are cowboy hats and the State Fair and Southwest Airlines. WELL I HOLD THESE TRUTHS TO BE SELF-EVIDENT!

Wife: What's your @mcsweeneys.net piece about?
Me: How our daughters can't be whatever they want.
Wife: ... Wait, what?

Lawyers and Law Profs and Bears, oh my…wife is co-presenting on “The Fallacy of Work/Life Balance: How to Thrive, Not Just Survive.” There probably won’t be enough mentions of my badass husband-ness, but there will be CLE credit.

t.e2ma.net/click/6kl2mg...

Yay!

My body is 70% carbonated water.

YouTube video by V1C3N73D Parábola del Mono del Organillero

“Are you familiar with the parable of the organ grinder’s monkey?”

m.youtube.com/watch?v=ABY3...

So many emails from my kids’ schools.

Tenured.