Pete White

They’re a steakhouse.
They don’t serve Gammon.

Obviously a joke, but wouldn’t rule it out from happening…
Elon Musk reduces the price of the Blue Tick on his social media platform. One week later, Trump declares that he’s cut the cost of ‘X’.
Reporter:”Mr President, you said you’d cut the cost of eggs.”
Trump:”No, I said ‘X’, not eggs!”

For years, I thought that TV presenters, Jonathan and Paul Ross, were twins, after hearing Jonathan say that they’d “shared a womb”, when they were little.
#petewhitepuns #jonathanross

I’ve just started the ‘Beverly Hills Cop’ skin treatment.
I’m Axel Foleyating.
#petewhitepuns

“Why is that child in the Oval Office?”
“Because 77m Americans voted for him.”

Agolf Twitler

“I have in my hand, a piece of paper!”

£5000 on a scratch card

My friend just got fired from his job at a skin cream factory. They gave him his E45.
#petewhitepuns

That’s right. Because I’m a comedian.

I’m confused. Your profile picture is that of an adult, but your words are those of a child.

I just heard a really funny joke about a dyslexic Father Christmas. HA! HA! HA!
#petewhitepuns

My friend told me that, as a child, he wore ‘Collipers.’
I said “What are they?”
He replied “leg braces.”
I said “I think you’ll find they’re called ‘Callipers’, not ‘Collipers’.”
He said, “Well, I stand corrected!”
#petewhitepuns

My friend promised me that they’d show me how to make soups properly.
I don’t put much stock in them.
#petewhitepuns

At school, one of my English teachers said of me, that I was “a brilliant plagiarist.”
Their words, not mine.
#petewhitepuns

Possibly. As well, perhaps, they think that one man is responsible for everything or vote for soundbites.

Yet in many polls, where party affiliation wasn’t attached to the policy shown, people actually liked/approved of the Dems policies.

Why is it, that nobody’s talking about dyslexic environmentalists?
We need to have that conservation!
#petewhitepuns

Trump had the special burger, that McDonald’s created to commemorate Donald’s ‘love’ for Ivanka. The ‘Daughter Pounder.’

I see the tapestry industry is in decline. The end is looming.
#petewhitepuns