HanksMaster

the zeroth quarter is just wrapping up at soldier field. takeaways?

white boy SHOCKS waitress by ordering mexican food in perfect chinese

my partner saw the cover for half life 2 and said “why is that gothamchess”

wait a minute…meth AND phetamine? talk about a deadly combination…

People who 'contain multitudes' are just plain greedy.. share the wealth!

bro what is this diddy ahh sex im having 😭😭😭

those who weren't allowed to watch spongebob growing up are doomed to repeat it

If a NFL team owner would like to get to the end zone, he or she will first need to go to the ‘spend zone’ due to the high costs of owning and operating a NFL franchise.

since the falcons aren't my team i typically only say "goddamn falcons" out loud four or five times every sunday

you better lawyer up because i’m suing YOU!

If there's one thing I learned from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, it's that freaks like me are NGMI!

the definition of insanity is when you do the same thing again

yeah that’s what i meant my bad, i typed this and then immediately passed out

1. groove layer
the great harmoneel is pretty much the best character in a video game ever. look at him. i want to be him when i grow up. also the bars in the prison make a sick ass chord sound effect when you break them. 10/10 layer.

2. lagoon
yeah it’s just the track. good fucking track. i couldn’t have asked for a better “fossil falls/gusty garden type centerpiece song for early level in DK 3D platformer.” scavenger kongs are cool too. it does a stellar job introducing the player to much of this game’s weirdness. magnificent.

3. radiance layer
the snakes ARE my favorite of the creatures. they’re so cute! and they’re all artists? what? i love them so much. this layer has such an entertaining concept, and by FAR the best ancient record retrieval. don’t remember the music much, but that’s a small mark in comparison.

4. forest layer
another good ass song, another good ass bananza. the ostriches are not my favorite of the creatures but it’s fun that they run a hotel in the middle of dense forest. i like the seeds, i like the boss, i even grew to like the thorns.

5. canyon layer
the other layer that does the missing animals thing, albeit i do find the lions slightly cuter. GOOD ass song here in canyon layer, and what a delightful way to introduce the minecarts! this layer is just beautiful and i love the sky-islands type layout.

6. forbidden layer
the only thing not to like here is how short it is, but it’s not like it should’ve been longer. great traversal concept, great music, the securitones are goofy as hell and i love them, and of course the biiiiig reveeeeeeaaaaaal

7. planet core
lizaaaaads. looks pretty cool. like the statue. big bossfight. all the enemies turn real style. i think the twist ending was a bit abrupt but planet core does a great job making it seem grandiose and justified.

8. ingot isle
great tutorial zone, and gets even better in the postgame. i love that the song is all washed out with reverb. i love the magenta girders. i love the odd cliff formations. i love the kongs.

9. hilltop layer
i love the fractones i love the fractones i love the fractones. i also love the song, and turf surfing around this landscape. it felt a little weird putting it above tempest and freezer but i just had such a good time in this layer i couldn’t go any lower.

10. tempest layer
i was a little disappointed to have put tempest this low cause i love the elephants and i love that they’re interested in meteorology and i love the bananza, but being in the rain (or the lava rain) felt uncomfortable. this layer’s subtle beauty is obscured by its gloomy shell.

11. freezer layer
i like that they ice cream, and i like the ruins where you get to ice cream as well. that being said this is easily the weakest of the five layers where you get a bananza (i would call them “habitats” cause they all contain animals), the zebras are funny but grunt kinda annoying

13/12. the divide/the junction
these two save themselves from automatic last place for a number of reasons, chief among them the soundtracks (ESPECIALLY in the divide) but also the touch of the tones on one side of the junction being worried about the other side after getting freed? i love it!

14. resort layer
kinda funny to just go on vacation from the game in the middle of the game. this layer is very pretty, and i like the rainbow fish, but it doesn’t have too much to offer.

15. landfill layer
this layer wasn’t too fun to look at, but it was really fun to traverse. for a while i was kinda hoping for a layer that was *all* tunnels and this was as close as i got. pretty nifty concept, and it was good to give the eels a proper home layer. that being said, nothing special.

16. racing layer
it was cool to see diddy, dixie, and rambi, but i was a bit disappointed in the racing mechanics. not as fun as mario odyssey’s racing minigames, as high a bar as that is. also i kinda wish the trophy were solid gold, it’s kinda hard to break through the way it is.

ranking every layer in donkey kong bananza from worst to best, starting with:
17. feast layer
a bit much on the eyes and ears, and a bit long as well. it also felt strange to have it right at the end of the “normal” layers, but i love the touch of the missing animals + imitones. imitones are so cute