Emil Zátopunk

An entire unit of sheep, a huge stocky linebacker of a sheep, a sheep that's looks like it was bred in the caverns of Orthanc, like if you asked this sheep whom does it serve it would say Saruman, like it's so wide and thick it's head looks like a completely different animal. This sheep could kill you if it felt like it

Some fool tried to tell me how steel wool is made, like in a factory or something. Everybody knows you get steel wool from these sheep

Dispatches from the corn pit: hell yeah, there’s corn in the toilet. These freaks know how to get down.

#cornpit

Dispatches from the corn pit: it’s utterly surreal. A feast for the senses. A demented fushion of simplicity and excess.

#cornpit

A sign showing rule number 5 at The Corn Hole: KEEP YOUR HEAD ABOVE THE CORN

I’ve lived my whole life in Ohio and this is maximum Ohio: a big pit full of seed corn for children to play in.

LOL the janky attic tv gets the World Series after all. It’s a Halloween miracle!

talked the whole neighborhood into putting HGH in halloween candy to create a generation of children powerful enough to survive the coming water wars

on the way to the event: shit does this guy go by Jeff or Jeffrey? uhhhh his wife called him Jeff one time but I don’t know him very well uhhhh dang better go Jeffery and he can correct me down to Jeff if that’s what it is yeah we’re going Jeffrey

him: … it’s Matt

Lots of people spell it with a C instead of a K

2025 New York City Marathon preview: Kipchoge, Hassan bring star power and how to watch The 2025 New York City Marathon is the biggest event of the year in the sport. Find out start times, elite fields and how to watch.

2025 New York City Marathon preview: Kipchoge, Hassan bring star power and how to watch

amileaminute.com/news/2025-ne...

A ghost is carrying a basket of bricks across the sky. The wick on his head holds a flame.

You are carrying too many bricks.
#art

Ranch is indeed the actual Identifying Sauce of white middle America, not mayonnaise

it's .12 mile so 26 laps for a 5k

who's in?

Dang that’s why my garden is so mediocre. I’m not blasting the thighs nearly hard enough.

The freest a man ever is is pissing outside in the dark. Also the most vulnerable to attack.

Fitness tracker screenshot showing elevation over an 11 mile run. Route starts on a flat spot, goes sharply down into a valley for most of the run where there are rolling hills, returns to start

11 miles easy on some hills today. That’s about six weeks now with a long run, a speedwork day or both. I had no conscious plan beyond getting back out there more often but apparently I have been preparing to give it some gas at the turkey trot.
🏃

Drawing of Gandalf and Frodo in front of the Doors of Durin, with a Spirit Halloween sign hanging over it.

In retrospect, there was a big sign that something was wrong at Khazad-dûm #Tolkien #art

A photograph of the awesome PREVENT FIRES stamp with the house on fire. My favourite stamp. Now postcard sized.

Do you think Canada Post will have trouble with a postcard that is a 5 cent stamp? 🤔

A turkey roasting pan filled with bags of Reese’s and Kit Kats and Sour Patch Kids and stuff. On top is one bag of store brand starlight mints-the shitass Christmas candy. In the back ground is a narrow table with spooky plants, a fake candelabra and black fake spider web stretched everywhere.

As a student of the smell-my-feet school of trick-or-treat I like to hand out one candy that is terrible.

Big text at the top says "Parents! Are you sick of your child doing this?" We see a drawing of a child whose body is sticking out of various parts of a room, his legs through the floor, his arm through one wall, his upper torso and face through another, scowling and sticking his tongue out and saying "fie! I will not be bound by the limits of the physical form!" In a second panel, the large text says "end the daily hassle and all those little headaches by encasing your child in the cube!" The boy is now hovering upside down inside a 3 dimensional cube, still scowling, but now fully intact, saying "you're a fool to think these constraints will hold. Once I am free of this prison, you have signed your own doom."

Parents Are You Tired Of Your Child Doing This?

Platner should've fixed it by adding Calvin peeing on the existing tattoo

masculinity is
- dig big hole
- process materials into also materials again
- bend long object into shapse
- pogging out when the homie planes concrete real good
- naming construction vehicles
- piggyback rides for children autistic about trains
- feed da boys secret recipe pasta after the big shift

I know this won’t be a popular opinion on here, but Donald Trump is right to finally install an indoor toilet in the White House. It’s appalling that for 200 years the American president has had to crap in a wooden outhouse with flies buzzing around it

In the aftermath of the Louvre heist, we have decided to beef up security around our prized collection of erotic clown paintings.

the One True Canadian

Post hoc tuah ergo propter hoc tuah

Forgot to wear a belt to work. Not great for climbing ladders. Sag city.

Now I’m home wearing a belt and I feel invincible. Like I turned on a cheat code.

screenshot of a subscription appeal we sent today: Who calls the shots where you get your news? Is it one of the richest men in the world? Is it the dull son of another one of the richest men in the world? Is it shareholders, for whom it's expedient to roll over in the face of nuisance lawsuits by the gangster state? Is it one of the private equity firms grinding media companies to dust to eke out returns? Is it someone who will fire a journalist for accurately describing Charlie Kirk’s beliefs? Is it a severely confused Brit? Is it the “rogue employee” who reprogrammed their company’s chatbot to urgently inform users about the “white genocide happening in South Africa”? Is it yet another corrosive tech platform? Is it a gambling company? Is it a league you, in theory, exist to critically report on? Is it some donkeys using AI to bring Horny Sports Blogging At Scale to a storied publication? Not if you read Defector. The 27 of us who work here own the company together. We have no outside investors, so we have no mandate to maximize shareholder value. We don’t take money from gambling companies. We aren’t out to fatten up and get acquired. Defector is uncompromised, a rarity in modern media. When we report, criticize, and analyze, it’s coming from us, not someone upstairs. We answer only to our subscribers. Become one!

excellent blogs today at defector. good time to subscribe! defector.com/products

I mean these products are for gaining mass and lead is like hella dense bro

#workout

they should replace the baseball with a gun and the mitts with guns and the bats with guns and the bases should be turrets and the players should be naked