Parentball

"Shoulders are the opposite of the butt" -7yo, dropping a new hot take

Ugh, show some pride

a man in a striped shirt is standing in front of a refrigerator talking to another man ALT: a man in a striped shirt is standing in front of a refrigerator talking to another man

I can’t read the word “Jerrifiied” without hearing Kramer saying it

*youth financial advisor voice* You know who else was risen?

Savage

Could whoever takes these pictures please stop getting your thumb in the way of the top left of the pic? Thanks

Why are they calling it “fungi mining” when “cap and trade” is right there?

At least they didn’t string him (or her) on

Was just tidying up the living room and discovered a Super Bowl watch checklist that 7yo made. Hadn’t seen her making it

🎶 *Dionne Warwick voice*
Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what fronds are for

*M. Night Shyamalan furiously taking notes*

*Buggles voice * 🎶 Alexa killed the funny ad Thor

No offense (derogatory (to both teams))

Amen. Weak so far

Never gonna apologize for being a Masshole descended from Mainers

About to head out to the big event: 7yo’s birthday party at the local ninja gym. Gonna be off the wall (literal)

In this house, we celebrate both. Reposting my old piece in shameless self-promotion. (Also, go Pats!)

Quackpack™️

Was it “lellow”? Both our kids said lellow, and it was the best

There’s a secret society dedicated to promoting this idea and fighting big chicken soup. It’s called the Broth-erhood. But I’ve said too much

“Double negative is a positive, but a double positive can never be a negative.”

“Yeah yeah.”

7yo has just started pronouncing “perfect” correctly, replacing her former pronunciation of “perf-tict”. I miss it already

Me: *searches for inflatable hot tubs once on Wayfair*

Wayfair: *emails every 42 minutes INFLATABLE HOT TUBS BIGGEST SALE EVER until heat death of the universe (which, not gonna lie, feels like it would be a good time to have one)*

a man with a beard wearing a cape and a hood ALT: a man with a beard wearing a cape and a hood

NPR interviewer: And how would you describe Green Day for those not familiar with the band?

Interviewee: They're classic rock.

Me:

Oh, I see my third or fourth favorite seasonal Olympics is starting

Told 6yo the old joke: "Pete and Repeat are on a boat. Pete jumps out. Who's left?" She'd already heard it. But 10yo immediately threw down with: "Pete and Canyoutellthejokeagain are on a board. Pete jumps out. Who's left?"

5 stars. No notes.

oh, that's ms. piggle-wiggle's house

Houlihans! They had way better fajitas than a place like that deserved to have

indiana jones and the last crusade movie poster with two men ALT: indiana jones and the last crusade movie poster with two men

I mean