Parentball

Not behind on all the work things, not behind on all the holiday things, but a secret third thing (behind on all the things)

✅ 10yo just checked a classic one off the list telling me at 7:52 tonight that he needs to dress like a troll tomorrow for literacy week

"are you enjoying duo mobile" does a hamburger enjoy being made of quarks. does a fish enjoy linear time. does the mountain enjoy the first taste of a cup of hot chocolate when you get back to the ski lodge. your question means nothing to me. i couldn't enjoy duo mobile even if i tried

I bet that space gum is still chewier than bazooka joe

Horse committee meetings always go on forever because they all just keep voting nay. (Human committee meetings also always go on forever, but that’s just because we’re idiots.)

a man in a captain america costume is wearing a blue helmet with the letter a on it . ALT: a man in a captain america costume is wearing a blue helmet with the letter a on it .

Thank you!

Sugars, ‘Gum,’ Stardust Found in NASA's Asteroid Bennu Samples - NASA The asteroid Bennu continues to provide new clues to scientists’ biggest questions about the formation of the early solar system and the origins of life. As

Shhhh. That’s where I had hidden the rest of the kids’ Halloween candy until they forget about it
www.nasa.gov/missions/osi...

6yo: Can I bring my tea to the couch?

Me: Ok, fine, as long as you don’t spi-

6yo: *spills half the cup of tea on the way to the couch*

Being a parent is just weird. I mean, I’m this sentient collection of stardust that created mini versions of myself that now look me directly in the eyes and tell me the mac n’ cheese I made them is too cheesy

We have made it through the critical first 24 hours after showing the kids Home Alone for the first time without being injured by a homemade booby trap. Miracles can happen!

That joke is a capital idea!

sometimes I will be sitting minding my own business and my brain whispers

"your friend Palpatine & your pal Friendpatine"

Would totally watch that crossover

“your mon Mothma & your moth Monma”

Even suspension of disbelief has its limits

Ah, the last day of the month. Happy Campaign Fundraising Text Message Every 42 Seconds Day to those who celebrate!

🚫 I am in this post, and I don’t like it

old tweet: Every year, Putting Away the Christmas Decorations Ken makes a series of decisions designed to infuriate Unpacking the Christmas Decorations Ken the following year. It’s a magical holiday tradition.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…

The most unrealistic thing about Home Alone is that Kevin cleans up the house

“When I grow up, you have to tell me if you’re Santa, so I can make sure to get presents if there is not a Santa. I think it’s like fifty-fifty.” -6yo, displaying an amazing combo of mathematical understanding and belief in magical things

6yo: Can I try your coffee?

Me: Sure thing, kiddo, but just a small sip.

6yo: *takes big sip* *spits big sip directly back into mug*

Had a similar one with our 6yo when she was 3. Asked her what she wanted: “purple boots…[anything else?]……a cookie”

Reddit isn’t made for whale, it’s made for huge manatee

Please be advised that all the house numbers in Kevin McAllister’s neighborhood start with 67, and the criminals read them out about 20 minutes into the movie.

This is the most important piece of information I have received in 2025. Thank you. Will have tranquilizer darts ready and pointed at the kids for the scene

Would go great on a t-shirt

Causing mild chaos at the kids’ open session at the ninja warrior gym by periodically yelling out 6-7

Nice

Get a corporate sponsor. This is our son, Subaru Impreza 2026 Hybrid With All Wheel Drive or something