Thotdog Cart Exile

But me as a father? A Bridge Too Far, The Great Escape, Kelly’s Heroes, Jaws, The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly. But my kid prefers tv to movies…

My father isn’t into movies (math guy), but I made him watch Inglourious Basterds (he loved it) and Annette (he liked it more than I did). He made us watch The Sound of Music (his mother was friends with the von Trapps) and…man, really not a movie guy. Hates movies with psychiatrists (he is one)

The Times is so fucked

One solution to both these problems: hypersandals

I got dressed in the dark, & when I arrived at work I realized I was wearing mismatched socks—one was very short, barely covering my toes, & the other was very long, running all the way up my leg & then down past my foot, spilling out of my shoe & out the door.

Today’s winner of the “dad can you be quiet, I’m trying to shazam this song” Supragrammy goes to: Carpet Squares by Wevie Stonder

youtu.be/FoQ-eyl6HGk?...

I get you. When 80% of interactions are either caretaking or correcting it can sometimes feel like things must be amiss. But they are small and the world is vast, so it has to be that way for a while. “Developmentally appropriate” is our mantra. I’m sorry you went through that, but you’re you now!

I looked it up in a panic and realized I was within acceptable parameters. The hard part is feeling like it’s within acceptable parameters!

Rechargeable device batteries have come a long way because “using this item in the normal way is stupid, you fucking moron!” is bad. We can fight back against enshittification. And we will beat enshittification

Me complaint: Shoulda used curaçao instead of cointreau

Silent generation complaint: Somebody misplaced FDR
Boomer complaint: Kids today don’t know Carson
Gen X complaint: Kids today don’t know Dana Carvey’s Carson impression
Millennial complaint: Kids today don’t know I’m cool
Kids complaint: My blade is parched for lack of nazi blood

It's tough when merfers really want to touch the stove...

Right? We are all flies on the wall for the worst, head-up-their-ass drips ever to live

Imagine thinking, of all the things the Epstein Files are about, that what they're actually about is...a conspiracy to lower birthrates by socially proscribing "age-gap relationships"?

Froot Loops material

YouTube video by Cracki Records Agar Agar - I Am That Guy

The highest honor a song can receive is not the so-called "Grammy" much beloved of mediocrities, but my 7yo asking to start a song over again when we hear it in the car. Congratulations Agar Agar's 2016 hit I am That Guy!
youtu.be/wrCE6DjE6g8?...

The Kids: Restoring hope for humanity since 200,000 bc

Missing quite a few steps in their "consolidation of power"

Chaos Legion

Oh my god. I'm in a codependent relationship with my child

He was licking soy sauce off his overlong tie near an open flame when everyone he’s ever met dropped cinder blocks on his head

Here’s hoping!

So…about that Russian oil?

Hungry for more Fallout? Try Game of Thrones, which also involves unlikely friends walking around and incest!

My god, we’ve finally developed the Saab Draken!

I watched both, and enjoyed both, but, damn, that’s fucked up

Habeas porcus

Beats Genesee and Mickey’s

they get to take that money and do nothing forever

I’m not suggesting they should do anything

You look like fools printing this

The united states, united kingdom, and israel will do everything they can to prevent a strong, prosperous, and democratic iran. And that includes not overthrowing the current regime. To think otherwise is just to fantasize