Lazer

Hang on I feel like a person with a pet tick would get mad at me for calling it a flea

Good to see this generation keeping the art of the flea circus alive

No one ever once to hang out with the Hieronymus Bosch ninja turtle

No one ever wants to hang out with the beige power ranger

i don't think they should reopen the government. it's funny that they're already talking about figuring out how to pay the soldiery. your majesty the mercenaries are beginning to grumble about their wages but im sure it will be fine

Bluesky engineers when their website is successful

yuuuup their nose is long as a proboscis for blood. #animalplanet

BLEUGH

THE ONE FUCKING - hey did you know that "anteater" is a misnomer and they're actually cannibals

Zeroing in on the fact that you've never seen any Animal Planet. I could say anything about giraffes and you'd believe me.

Becoming a sneakerhead but only for Lugz

[cops try to take over the investigation] Hey get away from my clues

[first day as a private eye] Hey guys has anyone seen any clues around here? I was hoping for five or six clues.

Like a Smaug

Like a Dragon: Hobbit Yakuza in New Zealand

I've pulled beauty from the jaws of creation and yet still you all forget my power

notice how there is no chopping in this film

Yeah it’s great. I post on a website where one of the sysops calls the police when she sees the part of Office Space where they beat up a printer

You couldn't make Chopping Mall now because the computer controlling the robots would be in a server center in Austin

me smelling cinnabites when I can't have any

the shit nintendo fans were huffing would kill most people

NFL’s New Overtime Rules - First possession per team - Which comes first: score or possession - If coin flip is heads, elect to kick or receive. Same if tails, once possessions - If a field goal is kicked on first possession, team on field must acquiesce Designed by Jon. Share with your friends if you found this helpful!

You know who figured out what a dog show should look like? David Letterman

Dog shows are so stupid like what the fuck do you mean the beagle is more beagle than the bloodhound is bloodhound

If I was a school bus driver I would tape a picture of Goro Majima to the dashboard and if the kids started horsing around too much I would point at it and say this guy would come on the bus and get them if they don't shut the hell up

"Vulgar Display of Power" was another name for the lemonade

It's the same mindset that makes people think that tequila has some kind of magic power to make you more rowdy when you drink it. Mostly just cope.

When I worked at a liquor store people would attribute all kinds of behavior to different drinks, including a split between light and dark liquor. People basically treat them like potions. Only actual diff I know of is the tannens in barrel aged liquor *MIGHT* be more likely to give you a headache.